The Last Word

This one is definitely going to be censored

__________, who I am not allowed to mention in this column has personally appointed himself to the ________________ at the enormous end-of-year campus event _____

If you’re naughty, the Hoff-alike will get you

Derwent Bar. 7:56 PM. A vast and inebriated crowd has gathered for the Mr. York. The contestants line up along the side of the bar for the first round, General Purpose Manliness

An Actual Phone Conversation: Fact

“The bill for the cleaning will be a million pounds” says an admittedly tipsy YUSU Socs’n’Coms Officer Rory Shanks, surveying Lancaster’s sleeping quarters

In the playpen of campus politics

They (them what discover things) have discovered a species of jellyfish that is effectively immortal

Strictly what now?

Tripping over the shoelaces of satire while attempting to dance the foxtrot of current affairs

A dirty addiction

Hes Hall, I think you need some rehab. Let’s face it, you just can’t kick that crazy habit of yours.…

All hail Crackfish

Campus is covered in a fine white dust, it seems. Now that I think about it, that explains an awful lot. It explains why the queue for the Library ladies toilet is so long when I go past it

Sweet plan, idiot

I can see exactly how it happened. It would have been in the YUSU office, about 2:15 in the morning

Freshers? Nuts, all of ’em

Freshers’ fury Professor Cantor made a big mistake; it would be calmer in Iraq than here. A plague has descended…

Embracing a bright new future: poverty, crime and deviance

So Heslington East has been approved and is set to go ahead any time soon (in the next 20 years). That’s fantastic, if you happen to be born post-2009, are vaguely intelligent and are set to apply to the University of York (the expanded version as opposed to the current dilapidated expanse of concrete slabs)

Filling in the gaps

Big Brother is watching you. Has anyone else noticed a fairly police-state feel to the news at York this week? It doesn’t matter what you do—you will be caught and you will be punished. Late for an appointment in town? Want to skip a bus fare?

Immigrants and Hugh Hefner: the perils this University faces


I’ve just spotted an advert for The Daily Vision’s forthcoming recruitment drive. After promptly jotting down the details in my ethically produced diary (only two exploited labourers died in the Cambodian factory, well below average), I realised it was a waste of time