David Cole

David has written 13 articles for Nouse

The S.E.X. Issue

Hello, good afternoon, and welcome to this, the special, extended edition of nouse (est. 1964, ‘Best font’- Guardian Student Media Awards, 2004), with 25% more text!!! As we all know, students invariably are a bunch of dirty little tramps, and you lot at York are no exception

I’ve got a Bad feeling about this…

Right now, in a galaxy far, far away (Goodricke Delta Prime Spunk, to be precise), the fate of our media societies is being decided

Shove it

“O Death, where is thy sting” – 1 Corinthians 15:55.
“It’s been emotional” – Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

No 05, Management Studies – Blag your Degree

Wakey, wakey! Rise and shine ya bastards. Once again it’s up to me to sort out the putrid mess you’ve made of your lives. You know, you should really start putting some effort in, I won’t be here to wipe your nose forever. I’ve got beef with some serious idlers this issue; Management students, here it is, crazy fools

Are you drinking what we’re drinking?

Shock spread through the office like anthrax this week as my in-depth research unveiled the horrific truth of the private life of Michael Howard

NO 03, History of Art – Blag your degree

OK, first off I’d very much like to offer an apology to any of you that were grossly offended by the last edition of this column. I really would relish the opportunity to spout messages of regret to the poor, fragile sensibilities of any Computer Scientists who didn’t find my ideas remotely helpful or humourous. Honestly, nothing would give me greater pleasure than grovelling for their forgiveness

The election section

It’s that time again. Just as the collective occupational attention span of our Union officers dries up, it’s time for them to bugger off and do something useful with their lives for once. So, with planet Earth in the same position on its solar orbit as when Jimmy and his team were originally elected, it comes to pass that we have to go through it all over again with the next bunch of CV-fillers

Somewhat lacking vision

No doubt this recent stunt by ex-Vision Editor Jonathan Bray was nothing more than a shameful attempt for Vision to bag another page-three stunner in time for the next edition. Sure. We’ve all dressed up as a lady for a laugh, but to couple it with journalistic rivalry would be shameful

I-gone and leaver

Picture this. A male student swaggers, grinning, over a toilet bowl thinking about how much of a jovial legend he is. The cause of his mirth stems from the fact that he is vomiting intermittently into said bowl, while simultaneously drinking a VK Apple from his left hand and puffing on a cigarette from the right

Shock and aww

“Oh darling I do love Valentine’s day so very, very much, let’s do something really special this year.”

Translate: “Oh holy Christ not this again. Did I do something awful in the past year? I knew I shouldn’t have ignored that Big Issue seller, or did I leave the seat up one too many times? Must I be subject to this torture? I’ll have to fork out a shitload in material reparations for all the terrible things that I’ve done.”

JCR or JC aren’t?

Apparently one of our bored JCRCs is rattling its chrome cage. Halifax is experiencing its first identity crisis. The fledgling college and it’s members aren’t happy with the lowly label of ‘Junior Common Room Committee.’ No, they feel that their needs would be better met by having their own ‘Student’s Union’ instead

I have bin expecting you

Imagine the most intense horror you could ever conceive of. Multiply said horror by inconceivable amounts. Then collapse in a crumpled heap of melancholy and limbs