What Sports would York's Ducks do?


Orla McAndrew (she/her) assigns most of York's ducks a sport ahead of Roses weekend

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Image by Annie Watson

By Orla McAndrew

York is full of some pretty great wildlife, but we are most famous for our many many ducks and thankfully for this article a lot of them have Instagram pages, because really the most important thing about Roses being in York is deciding what sport our ducks would get involved in.

Long Boi - Our majestic Long Boi, arguably the most iconic duck of York (now also available in plushie form). With his length there are a lot of sports he would excel at; basketball, netball, maybe even running. But none of those spots feel like Long Boi. Long Boi is always giving relatively chill vibes, but you know he likes the attention from all his fans. There is then, only one sport for Long Boi and that is volleyball. I imagine during summer, Long Boi will take a little summer holiday, spending his days tanning and getting a little team together (he would obviously be the captain). And you never know if he wins, he may even treat the team to a 99.

Fancy Boi - No offence to Long Boi, but let's be honest Fancy Boi is the best duck on campus (this is my opinion and does not represent the opinion of Nouse). There’s just something about the way he waddles around Derwent, he knows he’s special, he knows he’s fancy and so should the world. Fancy Boi is not going near a sport where he’d really have to get his feet dirty (he’s hardly going to join in with a rugby scrum). I thought about debating or maybe even lacrosse, but then it hit me. Fancy Boi would obviously be involved with fencing. The protective gear is a pretty fancy look, plus I think he would be excellent at dodging attacks, as  it took me two terms to find him on campus (not that I wanted to attack him I should add). I think he would win, he’d be vicious but stylish and destroy the competition

Geese - Love ducks, hate geese, they are vicious. I swear they smell fear and advance towards me, why do I even bother trying to make it to class. And maybe I’m still slightly traumatised from P.E class but these geese are definitely hockey players. They are constantly ready to attack and stop you walking through their area. Ok I know that hockey is technically a non-contact sport, but I’m still traumatised from high school P.E. Geese  move and work as a team which I both fear and respect (but mostly fear, those geese have made me late to class multiple times).

Gogmagog (AKA the duck with an Afro) - Ok first thing, how did I have no idea there was such a beautiful duck on campus, secondly it is now my mission to find them next term. And I suppose most importantly, what sport would they do? They seem to manage to blend into their surroundings fairly well, and always seem to be around the other ducks, so a team sport is a must. Whilst they do give off very strong badminton vibes (can’t explain it they just do), I think it has to be tennis. Mainly because I can clearly picture them at Wimbledon eating strawberries and drinking Pimms, which is the best thing about tennis.

Gerald the Swan - Usually swans fall under the same category as geese for me, really scary and out to attack (one did actually try to break into one of my classes), but I’ll admit it Gerald is different. Our sweet little mute swan is pretty stunning. So the only sport for him is ballroom dancing, I can just picture him gliding across the dance floor. Plus Swan Lake (especially the Barbie version), is an incredible ballet, (which in Roses is split into Ballroom and Latin), so the only sport I can give Gerald is ballroom dancing, we can all picture him gliding across the dance floor.

I have now potentially written more about both ducks and sport then I ever thought I would, and this list doesn’t even cover all of the ducks on campus, let alone our other wildlife. This is obviously not the definite answer, one day when we can speak duck we’ll know for sure, but until then this will have to do.