Callum McCulloch: 10 things I’ve learnt this week

1. I don’t want to see a 100 second snapchat story about the shitty fireworks you saw from your garden. It seems odd though that we have a whole day dedicated to terrorists.

2. Finishing a marathon is an anti-climax. Upon crossing the line in what seemed like three days – I was close to it though – all I wanted to do was lie down, listen to ‘Simply the Best’ by Tina Turner, and cry. If it weren’t for a large group of my friends coming out to support me, I may just have done this…

3. Nipple tape is not just for girls to wear on nights out. No amount of Vaseline could have prepared me for 26 miles of chafing. By 18 miles my nipples were lactating blood which was not a pretty sight at all.

4. The fog is thicker than most YSJ students. I don’t know much about the finer intricacies of this atmospheric phenomenon, I just hope that this astute observation leads to laughter.

5. The library lies in a microclimate. When I leave my house in the morning I resemble Ernest Shackleton but by the time I reach campus I’m sweating more than David Cameron at the butchers.

6. Going to the library to work is as futile as copy and pasting “Still up?” to all 11 of my Tinder matches after a night out. Either way, nothing is getting done.

7. My timetable is a joke. I currently have five hours on a Monday and one hour on a Tuesday leaving the remaining five days of the week as untouched as the second page of Google search results. You’d think this would allow me to get plenty of work done. Think again.

8. Sonny Bill Williams has completed life. He has now won two Rugby World Cups having become only the second player ever to represent the All Blacks at Rugby Union and Rugby League. He gave away his World Cup winning medal to a little kid so he must be a nice guy. Oh and he’s also an undefeated boxer. Is there anything he can’t do?

9. Writing for rival student media outlets goes down like Monica Lewinski in the oval office. After writing a few articles for an online news based student site (mentioning no names), a previous Nouse editor contacted me asking if they could retract their charitable donation to my marathon page. I hope they were joking…

10. Chocolate oranges in NISA are £1. Now you can trick yourself into thinking you’re being healthy for a much lower cost.

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