MUSEINGS: the nation of desperation

The past couple of weeks our primary concern as a nation has centred not on the economic crisis, not protests, not international crises, but sex.

The steamy trend started off, predictably, with the superinjunctions. Once out in the open, however, the secret seemed to lose its flavour, and we knew exactly where to look next: “Baz” (a.k.a. Barack Obama). But Baz came and went, unsurprisingly, with Michelle still firmly attached to his arm. The nation moved on: Rob Lowe. Talking at Hay Festival in North Wales, Mr Lowe was hounded by giggle-snorting women (and men) to the extend that the festival had to hire even more security than the Hollywood star requires normally.

Clearly we were punching above our weight. But as became apparent yesterday we are more than happy to settle for less if needs must., published yesterday, saw an insurge of visitors picking which, out of two randomly selected MPs, they’d want to bed.

Consulting the table shortly before this edition went to print, the women currently ranking in top are plain at best, and the man planted firmly at the bottom is extremely unfortunate looking. To fully epitomise the dire state of our supposed lewd and crudeness, Alistair Darling’s menacing, multi-monotone face leers out of the screen at number 94. Out of 648. For me this merely proves the absolute desperation of our nation.