The XY chromosome: campus dickhead

It’s the final round. I’ve taken some hits, but I’m hanging in there. Takes more than a coupla knocks to phase me. He lunges, I dodge sideways and come back with a blinding punch to the side of his face. He staggers, and I follow up with a lightening one two up front. Finished, the sucker falls. I am the champion. I bask in the rapturous applause of the invisible crowd. I am invincible.

Jesus I love the Wii. It’s like the ultimate solution to boredom. And good for when you’re tired but can’t be arsed to go to bed. Not that bed doesn’t completely rule (especially in my world, if you catch my drift, I’m like a king between the sheets. That sounds quite weird though.) Actually, a bit of shut-eye might be a plan, after James the wanker woke me up at fucking 9 o’clock with his knob music again. Maybe bed then. Or could just sleep here. Zzzzzzz.

Safe. What now. A nice stretch perhaps. Quality. Right, having defeated the reigning champ for the 3rd time in 6 hours (personal best), this fighter needs fuel. Toast o’clock. I head for the kitchen. Shit, someone seriously needs to wash up, the place looks like a dump. Most of it’s probably mine though. Lame. Mind you, if I leave it for a few days longer someone’ll probably get pissed off enough to do it for me. And I can always use James’s plates.

Open the fridge door. Bollocks, forgot to go to Morrison’s again. I’ll just grab a bit of Jenny’s bread, she won’t mind. Lovely girl. Shame about the face. Ah, did Matt get nutella? Sweet.
Right, time to shower. Should probably give the chewers a bit of attention too. I bought this face scrub (just cos it was on offer and Jo said it’s all right. Doesn’t smell of fruit or anything). Might whack a bit of that on, give the crowdpleaser a bit of tlc. Most guys do use that kind of stuff these days. The ones who give a shit anyway.

Back in my room feeling fresh, I log on and give the old profile a glance. Spare a moment to admire my new pic- arms crossed, for maximum guns impact. You get the credit of a flex, but it’s more subtle, like. Scroll down, and score! Message action. Ha, knew she wouldn’t be able to resist for long. It was ‘nice to see’ me eh? Bet it was. Plenty more where that came from. Must remember to give her a clear view in tomorrow’s 10.15. I’ll set my alarm, get there early. Awesome.