Venetia Rainey and Charlie Kirkbride

The circus has arrived kids… welcome aboard the spandex body-stockinged bandwagon. Don your all-in-one lamé suspender swimsuit, skip joyfully to your lecture in a velour romper body-suit, and wiggle seductively around Toffs in a cotton unitard.

We bring to your attention the arrival of a new phenomenon – circus/1980’s revival chic. No longer confined to the frustratingly unobtainable world of dance videos and i-D fashion pages, we entreat you to embrace the American Apparel–esque unitard of 2008. The time has come to proudly walk across campus wearing no less, and probably not much more, than an all-in-one. No fuss, no buttons, maximum versatility. That is, of course, so long as you have the body of an Eastern European model, and are unaware that we live in a city frightened of the sun, less than sympathetic to the limited warming effects of spandex. Or perchance, you have alarming amounts of confidence in your bottom, an unreasonble attachment to the 80’s, or a desire to extend toilet visits to an unforeseen length.

The way to wear these gems in our hostile environment is evidentally wrapped up in the age old art of layering. And this gets a whole lot more fun with all-in-ones. Think a purple cocoon of stretchy cotton joy caressing every inch of your body, from your ankles to your wrists and everything in between, with a turquoise strapless swimsuit-imitation affair over the top, and some pink leg warmers over your ballet pumps for good effect.

The choice is yours folks. Non-judgemental in nature we shall merely continue to observe; whilst quietly downing our non fat, non foam, organic, made-with-the-milk-of-a-Guatemalan-goat lattes. But don’t be surprised if people demand that you sing Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s ‘Relax’, or you feel sudden overwhelming urges to perform amazing feats of aerobics involving cannons and/or the splits. And just pray that you bought the version with those popper thingys down below…