‘Bullshit’

Admin quash manual worker abuse photos and rumours, some porters are “Walter Mitty characters” says Ken Button

Pictures shown in Voisin showing Admin staff abusing a university manual worker have been declared fake by academic experts.

The images show a hooded groundsman being urinated on and hit with a calculator, but pundits have pointed to certain errors.

Commenting to NoUse, one expert noted that the suits worn by admin in the photographs do not appear to be ‘posh’ enough, citing an absence of designer labels and double stitching inconsistent with their large salaries.

A. Bacus, a former Maths Lecturer at the University, told NoUse: "I am 110 percent sure that the calculator in the picture is not a Casio. It's far too shiny and clean and the colour of the metallic parts are different to the real thing, which might explain why these pictures are in black and white. Also, shadow has been added to the so-called stream of urine which leads to an even more questionable wet patch on the Costcutter bag hood."

A YUSU censor official confirmed, "I have no doubt these are staged. All the people in the pictures are very clean — showing no signs of the prolific Yorkshire duck shite."

“In addition, none of the admin staff are counting fees or filling out forms. One wears a floppy hat rather than the helmet and body armour that patrols must wear since the Heslington Hall sit-in of 2002.”

Mounting evidence suggests the incident may have been faked by individuals wanting to impugn Admin. Newshound, Rolf Harris, reported fears that a culture of intimidation might lead to a “Dr. David Kelly style incident.” However, when this suggestion was put to an Admin spokesman they responded, “Don’t be so bloody stupid”.

Vice Chancellor Brian Canton told Nouse, "At public school and Oxford I have seen enough brutal interrogations to know this one is faked."

University Admin told NoUse, "We are as keen as anyone to find out what lies behind this story. Then ignore it."

Voisin editor, Jon Bonethem, defended publication of the photos in Britain’s Best Student Newspaper. “We make no apology for exposing this outrageous and unlawful behaviour, which has been common knowledge among disgusted members of Admin for many months. The vast majority of Admin have done an outstandingly brave job – paper pushing and extorting money – in incredibly difficult circumstances. Voisin will always support them unequivocally, even though we opposed the political decision by Admin to wage their war against students."