Which Cake?

Yes, its that time of the year again. Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and due to the lack of tacky pink fluffy nonsense falling on your doormat; it is highly likely that you’ll be resorting to full fat sugary goodness to fill your emotional void. We feel your pain! In sympathy with the lack of romantic attentions that most single people are suffering from at this lonely time (reminiscent of pensioners at christmas), MUSE has gone on a quest to find the best desserts to raise your seratonin levels

There is a reason why this cake is 90p, and that is because it is revolting. If you are feeling unloved, unattractive and disgusting, this cake will only exacerbate your sufferings. Its dry exterior has been languishing in Vanbrugh canteen, and like yourself has not attracted any takers. Its dry and brittle icing is yet another slap in the face, wheras the poor excuse for the fruit adorning it is a shriveled and grotesque attempt at decoration. The embittered smock-clad wenches serving this offence to my tastebuds, refuse to even grant you sufficient tissues to spit it out in disgust. In a word, no.