The Student’s guide to becoming a pole dancer

Step 1: The Bridge
Don’t jump in at the deep end, or painful injury might ensue. To begin with accustom yourself to the pole, feel it’s dimensions, feel the way it spins and develop a trust. Build your own confidence, stick out your bum and chest for the audience. Once comfortable, stand upright on tiptoe, hold the pole with one hand and place the pole between your legs. Still on tip toes slowly drop your head backwards, bending your body so you are now horizontal and greet the audience with eye-contact. Your body is now in the shape of a bridge. Ease back up and move on to the next stage.

Step 2: The Spin and Ripple
Once trust in the pole has been established, it’s time to grab hold. This move can have the greatest effect for fairly little effort. The pole dancer will suddenly appear on top of the pole and getting maximum leverage on your jump to the top is essential. Hold on with both hands and grip the pole between your legs. You can get your spin under control by leaning out, to speed up simply move your body closer in. Upon landing grip the pole with one hand and move into it with your shoulders ripple your stomach towards the pole so that it is touching, then pull out with your shoulders. Repeat this, against the pole and against the wall, then go back up for another go. Careful not to snap those stilettos!

Step 3: The Final Performance
Practice makes perfect. Now you are ready to perform. Select a song you like and can really move to. Pole dancers will only perform for one tune at a time and the pressure is on in these three minutes. Just dance like there is no one there, smile what ever happens and try to relax. Start off with easy moves such as the walk round and progress to the more extravagant ones like the reverse hold towards the end of the song, this way round will keep your audience captivated. Remember what you have learnt, but use your own initiative, entertain yourself as well as the viewers.
Think sexual. Flirt with the audience. Even with the cigar smoking students, who sit there grinning and buy one drink between them all night. But be careful, don’t get too close. Use the pole, the walls and the floor, pressing your body up close, whilst delicately sliding and moving around the stage.
Pole dancers earn up to two hundred pounds a night, that’s forty grand a year with ten weeks holiday thrown in. This is more than enough to finance the meagre cost of top-up fees and leaves plenty of time during the day to at least successfully complete an Arts degree. Be careful though, if you’ve picked a smart place to dance the customers are mostly going to be business men, so make sure your daddy is not in town.