Beauty Queen
Beauty Product regrets
For those used to tracking changes in the time via BeautyQueen, I apologise for my dereliction of duty. I have absolutely no excuse other than ruling the Kingdom of York takes time, even if my duties are limited to the product sphere. But never fear, my overly dramatic and slightly facetious ponderings have now returned…
For students, the approach of the summer term will always come with a twinge of sadness. Yes, warm weather brings barbecues and unnecessarily revealing clothes but it also signifies the fact that something is about to come to a conclusion, whether we want it to or not.
This is not helped by the Easter holidays during which we are expected to don our cramming hats and prepare for yet another period of exams but tend to spend our time procrastinating. As the children of the Labour government, we’ve experienced this for most of our lives and, let’s be honest, it’s getting hard to take it seriously. Our lives do not depend on the results of our 11+, 13+, GCSEs, etc…We’ll be just fine.
Summer may be the season for release from the bounds of education but it also reminds us of regret. Where did the time go? What could we have done better? Are we the people we wanted to be?
These, my royal subjects, are questions you must answer for yourself. I can say that you tend not to regret the things you do, only the things you miss out on.
This leads us to one of my all-time favourite segues…beauty products I wish I’d never bought.
Diorshow Mascara in Blackout – although featured on this blog, the mascara has failed to live up to it’s expectations. The wand is too long, the formula clumps and it’s impossible to get definitions. What a one-use wonder.
Benefit Some kinda gorgeous foundation – sure it’s easy and fast to apply but that doesn’t mean much when it barely lasts through your 9:15. Repeated application is tedious and means you go through it like they’s no tomorrow. It’s expensive too.
MaxFactor Lipfinity Lasting Lip TInt – I’m not even sure where to start – the applicator is messy and uneven and the color is more suited to a brothel. P&G, I expected more.
YSL Touche e’clat, number 8 – this just-released color was hailed as the biggest revolution in France since, you know, the French revolution. Not only did it fail to live up to my expectations, the pen leaks. Sure it works as a highlighter but so does the one I picked up from Rimmel at half the price.
Benefit Blush in Georgia – completely useless and suited for only those with the palest skin tones. I actually use it to set my foundation but it’s a bit too shimmery. Complete waste of money.
Bobbi Brown shimmer brick in Rose – Expensive yet barely shows up on the palest of skin. Repeated application just makes you look a bit greasy. Also, it smashes ridiculously easy. Need I say more?
Special Edition: How to stay young
As children, we’re taught how to behave. We’re told that the world is structured in terms of absolutes; stealing someone’s possessions is wrong and telling the truth is right. Any situation can be rectified with a clumsily constructed ‘I’m sorry’ card; absolution comes in the form of an invitation to a birthday party.
Almost a decade later, this playground moral code is undeniably attractive. Despite desperate attempts to introduce it as the law of the land in the BeautyQueen dominion, the Royal Judiciary tell me it is just too complicated. There is no right and wrong answer anymore, they say, which is unfortunate because the stakes seem so much higher.
It’s all down to us, but how do we know what’s right? Are we taking an objective or subjective view of the situation? Who’s the injured party? Is that even relevant? The language we use may have become more sophisticated but the answer is still murky.
I wonder if the decoding and deducing we spend our lives doing is not all a bit facetious? Whilst we debate endlessly about Miss X’s antics with Mr Y and what does it all mean, we were probably wiser in pigtails than we are today.
Playground logic might have had it right all along. Keep your hands to yourself (unless given permission – cheeky wink), don’t take things that don’t belong to you, say your please and thank yous.
Above all, be kind. Bitter words, catty comments and revenge are as dangerous as they are tempting.
Just like in Prep School, your choices define what sort of person you are. We can’t control what happens to us but we can control our reactions. Play nicely with the other children, girls, because it’s the right thing to do. And karma’s a bitch.
In the spirit of youth, I introduce the latest anti-aging products I’ve tested. Prevention is better than cure, after all.
ExpertLift Eye Cream by Nivea - While affordable and easily blendable, I’ve noticed no visible difference in the eye area. While that in itself may be a benefit (gravity is kept in check), you could probably achieve the same affect with a good moisturizer.
The Pore Professional by Benefit – Despite being absolutely over the moon about testing this product, I don’t find it particularly effective. Don’t purchase it as a primer as it’s a nightmare to use all over. It can be applied over makeup so good for on the run touch-ups.
Hope in a Jar by Philosophy - a little Christmas gift, this face cream might actually be better than sleep for your looks. It’s very expensive but a little goes a long way. Forever is a long time to have a lined face.
Instant anti-age: ‘the eraser’ by Maybelline – I honestly have no justification for buying this product other than fascination. I actually quite like the ‘eraser’ although you’ve got to be careful to avoid patchy coverage. And I’m a sucker for an SPF 18.
Renewal Lash Serum by L’Oreal Paris – Surprisingly effective if applied to freshen up the mascara you applied this morning. Also, the no-bristles wand provides excellent distribution of coverage.
Age-Reversing Primer by Korres – one of the most fantastic primers on the market. It is super-mositurising and completely weightless on your skin. Recommended to me by the good ladies at Sephora.
Velvet Gloss lip pencil by Nars – If all else fails, distract people with really bright lipstick. I like this in ‘Club Mix’, more for kicks than anything else.
Sunday Seven: makeup tips
Vancouver film school
As children, we spend most of our time pushing against our boundaries. University seemed like a beacon of freedom and responsibility of the debauched likes we could only dream of. Oh, but when that fateful day came and our parents left us with only a lifetime supply of disinfectant and a family pack of biscuits, it wasn’t quite what we expected. Lack of structure was scary.
But being bright young things, we adapted. Some of us wallowed in the slothfulness encouraged by student-life, rarely being seen during daylight while others rose to the challenge and created their own damned routine. One friend of mine has been so traumatized by the lack of schedule that she craves rules like a drug addict craves crack. Give her a time-table and she’ll be there 10 minutes early for the lectures. Tell her she absolutely must meet you by a certain time and she’ll meet you with the kettle on.
For those who aren’t quite so type-A, your Beauty Queen has provided you with a series of tips guaranteed to give some structure to your daily makeup routine. Straight from the royal court, these are the top seven:
1) Tight-lining the trend that is sweeping the beauty blogs. Apply your eyeliner (either pencil or powder) underneath your top lashes to give a more natural affect. For extra on-trend points, leave your bottom lashes naked.
2) Use the ‘3’ technique to apply your bronzer. Take a kabuki brush (short, fat) and sweep it in a ‘3’ motion from your forehead, up onto your cheekbone, ending at your chin. Beautiful glow in the areas the sun naturally hits.
3) Use hair spray to cement your makeup if you intend to make a night of it. Sure, it blocks your pores and is potentially carcinogenic but we all suffer for Ziggys and this is a surefire way to make sure your foundation parties as long as you do.
4) For perfectly separated lashes every time, comb them out with clear mascara then apply your normal one while the clear mascara is still wet. This makes it easier to have defined eyelashes without every girl’s nightmare of clumping.
5) To make your foundation look super natural and your skin flawless, use a vitamin spray (I like the vitamin E one from Body Shop) lightly all over your face after you’ve applied powder. It cements the makeup and smooths it out.
6) Use a cotton bud dipped in Benefit’s Benetint and smear over your lips for a natural stain. The best way to achieve that no-makeup look of our hopes and dreams. Particularly effective if you plan to be woken up in the middle of the night and want to look your best. Not that we do that.
7) For extraordinarily yet affordably soft hair comb normal body moisturizer through it and blast with a hair dryer. Then wash out. Leave it in all night for maximum effect. Alternatively, olive oil is extremely affective as well but harder to remove.
The Sunday seven: eye liners
Mr Wright
Philosophers and yoga calendars alike urge us to get to the bottom of the issue and seek total knowledge. However, after endless job applications and advice requests for relationship issues, I’m beginning to wonder whether it really is better to know?
The time between completing something and finding out the result is known, by the royal posse, as golden time. Technically, we could spend this time bragging about our accomplishments and how utterly talented we are before the cold bitterness of reality hits. Boys are much better at this. For some reason, any imminent result turns girls into chicken-licken while the male contingent strut around with an aura of superiority.
At least exam results and essay feedbacks have their own schedule and there is not much we can do about it. How rapidly we start relationship discussions and request application feedback, on the other hand, is almost entirely down to us. Of course we do really want to know what he got up to last night or whether we got the job but only if it’s favorable. If not, then our little bubble of pretend is just fine, thank you.
If we’re being honest, this ‘golden time’ isn’t all sweetness and light. The question haunts you, pressing on your mind like an addiction during the time when you’re most vulnerable. Sleep is easily disrupted and, suddenly, yes, the sky is falling.
So when is it time to pop the bubble? I suppose once the pain of not knowing becomes greater than the pain of knowing. The truth will always come out eventually. By taking control of the situation, at least it will come out on your schedule. Easier said than done though.
For your Sunday afternoon pleasure, the seven eyeliner reviews, as requested by BQ’s BFF. And, to keep things interesting, they’re ranked.
Urban Decay 24/7 in Zero – the all round, best eyeliner on the market. It draws smooth, incredibly pigmented lines sans pulling. They’ve also just released a special edition box with all the colours of the rainbow, if you like that type of thing.
Smashbox limitless eye liner in onyx – this is like the poorer cousin of the 24/7 pencil. It does everything of the one above but to a slightly lower degree. However, the packaging is more sophisticated.
Makeup for ever aqua eyes in 2L – I’m told this waterproof lovely is the professional artist’s pencil of choice. It’s slightly softer than the above two and doesn’t sharpen to the same spikey point making it more suitable for your lower lashes.
MAC penultimate eye liner in rapidblack – absolute best liquid eyeliner pen on the market. It is extremely adaptable depending on the look you’re going for and never dries out.
Benefit Bad Girl eyeliner – Personally, this is a little chunky for anything less than all-out bad-ass makeup. Still, that has a time and a place.
Stila convertible eye color in onyx – This has a twist-up design to avoid the need for sharpening which could go either way depending on your views. Bonus points for the fact it comes with an easy to apply, coordinated eye shadow at the other end and blender sponge.
Sephora liner electro in copper - Let’s be honest, no one buys Sephora’s own range for exciting products, do they? Sephora does basics really, really well at an affordable price and that is what this it.
The Sunday seven: shiny new toys
Despite being happily protected by the BQ bubble, I am struck by how much change seems to take place in the month of January for everyone on campus. Whether you are a first year realizing that a housemate divorce is both imminent and necessary or a finalist coming up with a ‘Plan B’ for next year, it’s unavoidable. I would like to say that the royal blood protects one from the insecurity and unsettlement that inevitably follows but, like Abraham Lincoln, I cannot tell a lie.
However, those who know your Queen are aware that we rarely go down without a fight. Like any good economist, every rational decision has positive and negative externalities. The best way to convince someone to make a choice is by designing an incentive scheme with a carrot for good behavior and a stick for bad.
This is how I justified it, anyway, when I promised myself the reward of a night with friends at one of my favorite cocktail bars in London if I managed to power through a particularly grueling day of essay writing. It seemed to work well enough. I then offered myself the possibility of a creme egg and the latest episode of ‘Gossip Girl’ if I completed a presentation in the allotted time. And on it went…
The problem with my reward system is that I’ve become spoiled. I expect a reward (from myself) for completing the most mundane of activities. Actually manage to book a seat on a train? Have a new lipstick. Turn up to a seminar, on time and well-prepared? Coffee and cake with a friend. Complete a 3,000 word essay? Well, that justifies an afternoon of shopping and spending. Honestly, there is no end to my demand for presents; I’m beginning to worry that I’m in need of a firm talking-to about the perils of consumerism and the importance of budgeting.
But I suppose, all things considered, there are worse addictions. Besides, I really do like shiny new toys. Here are my top seven, grade A purchases that have rocked my make up world…
Chanel Mademoiselle travel spray – perfectly compact and entirely chic, this allows you to take your perfume with you where ever you go without concerns over breakage. It lasts forever as well.
Trish McEvoy ‘finish line’ liquid - I’ve always been a fan of using water to turn eye shadow into eye liner but apparently it ruins your brushes. This product has changed my life. Use the tiny eye dropper to distribute one solitary bubble onto a slanted or straight brush and you’ve expanded your eye liner collection infinitely.
Bare minerals foundation – I simply couldn’t resist. How can you not be fascinated by a foundation so unique it comes with a DVD to show you how to apply? Having purchased the starter kit, I am officially in love. It’s faster to apply than ordinary foundation and yet gives you that seamless, sheer coverage we so desire.
Urban Decay 24/7 eye liner – not all pencils are created equally, girls. This is the perfect just-waterproof-enough product to get you through the trials and tribulations of being a student without worrying about it sliding halfway down your face.
Benetint by Benefit – First invented for pole dancers to make their nipples that much pinker, it can be used pretty much everywhere. Before you get any ideas, I use it to add overall colour to my face without looking too suspiciously obvious. Draw three little lines on each apple of your cheeks and blend. Then draw a splodge on the middle of your forehead and the middle of your chin. Blend. Finally, a narrow stripe down your nose. Blend.
Buxom Lips in Kitty – despite never being especially interested in the lip glosses that have snake venom (or whatever) to plump up your lips, this is surprisingly affective in quite a natural way. The colour is beautiful and it’s not too sticky.
Nars Orgasm Illuminator -Has there ever been such a controversial product from Nars’ famous Orgasm line? A little dab goes a long way; smear it along your cheekbones and wait for the ‘have you lost weight’ inquiries from jealous friends. Alternatively, mix it in with your foundation or tinted mosituriser to make your skin look that little bit healthier. Bonus: your oh-so-expensive foundation will go further!
And on the wish list: Urban Decay ‘Naked’ palate. There’s been a waiting list since before Christmas. If you’re looking for a royal favour, this could do the trick…
The Sunday seven: mascara reviews
There are many advantages to being the Beauty Queen. Queens don’t have essay deadlines or exams, you see. We tend to avoid worrying our pretty little head about such mundane aspects of student life; Botox just isn’t as reliable as it used to be and there are very few issues worth risking future crows feet.
But we can’t all royal so I thought I might alleviate some of the pain of the beginning of the Spring term with a special treat for my girls. Starting with these seven sultry mascaras, I will be reviewing seven products every Sunday, for the next four weeks.
It will be quite the commitment but, having seen some of your washed out little faces this time last year, I feel it is my duty to improve the beauty level on campus. Remember girls, cleanliness may be next to Godliness, but ugliness will get you no where.
The Falsies Mascara in black by Maybelline
Love, love, love! And one of the main reasons for my infatuation is that I despise curling my lashes and this alleviates the necessity. The semi-circular brush lifts and separates nicely without a lot of fuss involved. While I wouldn’t say it entirely replaces the need for false eye lashes, it’s a nice second-best for those days when dealing with pointy glue sticks near your eye line is just too much.
Necessity rating: A-
Great Lash Mascara in blackest black by Cover Girl
It has a cult following with a tube being sold every 6 seconds (so I’m told) but I can’t for the life of me work out why. The brush is acceptable, the definition reasonable and the clumpiness manageable but it’s nothing special. The one advantage it does have is making your lower lashes look absolutely fantastic and it doesn’t seem to smudge. Budget friendly and dependable, I’d buy it in a mascara emergency when I didn’t have time to consider other brands.
Necessity rating: F
Thickening and building mascara in black by Laura Mercier
I really, really like this as a easy to use, reliable, day mascara. The wand isn’t particularly interesting but I absolutely adore the fact that you only get the precise amount needed of mascara on the brush. I’d prefer a more intense color during the evening but it would be perfect for blondes and redheads. Mine came as part of a set and I’m not certain I’d pay the full amount, if I was honest.
Necessity rating: C
Extreme Lengthening Mascara in black by Maxfactor
It may seem extravagant but I find this mascara perfect for applying to my bottom lashes with a little light brown eye liner. The wand is very long, thin and maneuverable. It’s also fantastic for combing out your lashes after you’ve applied a thickening formula. I’m not quite sure why but this particular mascara is one of the few constants in the royal make up bag.
Necessity rating: B+
False Lash Effect Mascara in black by Max Factor
I have friends that absolutely swear by this mascara. In fact, some of the best dressed lashes in York are wearing it. I must admit that I have a tendency to play hot and cold with this product but I do find myself always coming back to it. Open it, use it, and toss it, girls because this mascara clumps quickly and easily in the tube.
Necessity rating: B+
L’oreal Millionize mascara in black
The literal amongst you may have trouble with this concept. I’m sad to say that this particular product will not give you millions of lashes. Never fear, it’s still a great product. Some super-secret opening at the top ensures you get precisely the right amount every time. For really defined lashes, use after you’ve applied a coat of clear mascara before it dries.
Necessity rating: A
Lash Accelerator mascara by Rimmel, black
Whoever said curiosity kills the cat has blatantly never been in Boots during a 3 for 2 sales. Curiosity most certainly killed the bank balance. I dislike this mascara intensely. It is not only really irritating and messy to use but I don’t think my lashes have grown a millimeter since I started using this.
*Disclaimer: it must be said that a friend of mine has been using it religiously for months and she’s convinced her eye lashes are longer. Still, should a mascara require more dedication than a relationship to achieve results? I think not.
Necessity rating: D-
That’s it for today, folks. Tune in next Sunday for seven more products.
Best of blush
Only a few days into the New Year and your Queen is already bored of her resolutions. Unsurprisingly, austerity is not as entertaining as excess. What to do in such a situation? Why, a trip down memory lane to the luxurious days of the festive season followed by a neat segue into makeup. Of course.
I have a confession to make. There is something about midnight mass, on the cusp of Christmas, that engineers a real desire for debauchery; the type that would make the hair of a saint curl, whatever that may mean. Perhaps it’s the heady combination of wine and incense, of fire and brimstone, or of sin and damnation?
Or perhaps it’s the fact that Christmas eve is a mere pause in the period of intense indulgence and festivities. Either way, there’s nothing like an enforced 60 minute period considering the sins of the year past to make one consider the possible merits of confession and absolution.
I comfort myself with the fact we all have secrets. Despite their burden, I could imagine nothing more dull than having none at all. While some may be in your mind alone (one can only do so many walks of shame before even the milkman knows you’ve been up to something), others are buried so deeply in our psyches that we may not even be able to admit them to ourselves.
Even worse are the dark secrets that have somehow managed to escape, despite an entire term (or year?) of keeping them under wraps. The ones you’re not proud of. It only takes a drunken confession, a carelessly concealed instant message, or a Freudian slip and suddenly you feel exposed.
Information is power, and as all diligent university students know, power corrupts. It’s impossible to ensure even your closest friend will keep your confidence and, regardless of the actual importance of the secret, it’s possible that the way people perceive you is now in jeopardy.
Should we blame those who betray our trust? Is it more our fault for misjudging them than theirs for being disloyal? Impossible to tell, probably a mixture of both, but as it’s a new year and I am feeling generous, I shall assume it’s the former.
Judging character and being able to keep secrets (especially your own) are vital skills for the world beyond university and we might as well begin cultivating them now.
Keep your secrets close to your chest, girls, but not so close that people don’t think you have them. Everyone should have some skeletons in their closet. People wants to know the girl who looks like she’s having the most delicious of naughty thoughts especially if she doesn’t wantonly state them.
And to achieve this glow, below are the most delightful blushes, the type that will make those you run into wonder: “Now, what has she just been doing?!”
Custom color blush by Stila – despite almost overdosing on their sickly sweet lip glosses in my youth, I managed to suppress my painful memories just long enough to pick up this impulse buy. Shock, horror, it actually works! Like your natural flush but far far better.
Hark the heraldy cheek palate by MAC – two blushes and a bronzer in a palate straight from the Scottish highlands. Cultivate images of a brisk country walk amongst the mountains green. Get everyone wondering whether you really did bump into that deviously attractive country boy you’ve been eyeing up at your country estate this Christmas. The fact that you spent the hols in Croydon is entirely irrelevant.
Orgasm by Nars – The perfect (and award-winning) blush to flatter all skin tones, no matter the occasion. It is a bit extravagant but lasts for ages. The deep pigmentation is a particular bonus. I actually prefer Superorgasm but I imagine that will come as no surprise.
When she was bad…
Photo: Chris JL
After a hard day, even someone as noble as your Queen can succumb to the desire to throw one’s toys out the pram.
The other day, I had enough. Remembering my royal responsibility, I decided that my frustration was better channelled into something more constructive and thus headed to the gym. Here, surrounded by lycra clad yummy mummies and half the the rugby team weight lifting, I discovered body attack.
As girls, we are raised from a young age never to show aggression, openly that is. Whilst a man who punches a friend during a difficult conversion about his girlfriend’s behavior is passionate, a woman who does the same is crazy.
Fight too hard to prove your point during a seminar and you’re an intimidating bitch. Push too hard against a UGM motion and you’re emotional, irrational and most likely hormonal. In response to such all-encompassing pressure to suppress our feelings, girls turn to that horrendously British word and become passively aggressive.
And this, my friends, harms no one but yourself.
We rarely resort to physical violence because we’re told it’s unladylike and, when that fails to motivate, we’ll probably loose.
However, safely encompassed in the protective room of the David Lloyd dance studio, I was encouraged to beat the shit out of my hypothetical attacker. The slightly over enthusiastic instructor tells you to grab the jugular, smash the head and generally behave like you’re in Fight Club. And it felt good.
Although I would love to implore you to say exactly what you think of the boy who slaps you on the bum in a club instead of restraining yourself with a dirty look and demure muttering, I understand it’s not always practical or even desirable.
Whether it’s the fault of our parents, society or, shock-horror, ourselves, this is the way things are.
Not all is lost. Next time you find yourself wishing someone would confront you just so you could unleash some pent up aggression, perhaps reassure yourself that, if nothing else, you can look like you’re bad ass.
And there is no better way to do that then with heavy liquid black eye liner. Having become somewhat of a convert a few years ago, I can say hand on heart that I am presenting you with the best of the bunch as well as the ideal brush which took me almost a year to track down.
Smashbox cream eye liner, caviar- offering both waterproof and normal varieties, this little beauty is just thick enough to be easily applied without being a nightmare to remove. An added benefit is that the type of brush you use doesn’t seem to especially matter either.
Bobbi Brown long wear gel eyeliner, black – despite being slightly trickier, this is some of my friends’ absolute favorite for achieving the smoldering look so desired by bad girls everywhere. As much as I hate to say it, it’s probably worth investing in the Bobbi Brown brush although if you look online you may be able to find it in a set for less.
Stila smudge pots, black – my personal favorite. Having looked long and hard, this is the only brand that I can rely on to achieve the darkest coverage without running down my face half way through the night.
Finally, the best liquid eye liner brush ever. May I present, for your viewing pleasure, the Trish McEvoy #44 Precision Concealer brush. Despite not being designed for this purpose, it is small enough to be precise while allowing even the shakiest of hands to draw a straight line.
So there you go, girls. Go forth and conquer.
Winter glamour
My brother once informed me that only tiresome people are ever bored. With this in mind, I have done my best to avoid the inevitable dullness that sets in around Week Five. However, I must admit, it has been somewhat of a struggle.
The excitement of the beginning of term is gone and the sparkle of Christmas and holidays has yet to emerge. As much as I adore cashmere, not even the warmest of blends will save you from the damp and coldness of the Yorkshire country side. Indeed, a girl can only have her delightfully kitsch umbrella blown inside out so many times before the walk to campus becomes tedious.
There seems to be dearth of glamour in our little corner of the world, and it is our duty to do something about it.
While I cannot save you from the winter wet, at least we don’t have to deal with the humidity frizz of summer or the constant battle of tanning (real or fake) and hair removal.
Indeed, the shops are full of delightful little accessories just waiting for you to pick them up and make them your own. It is for this very reason that I have deserted my usual beauty domain to bring you ideas for inserting a little mystique into an otherwise boring student life.
Leather gloves, vintage of course, will keep out the sleet and snow while suggesting that you are just the type of girl to be involved in a car chase with the gendarmerie around the French Alps. A cheeky wink will only confirm that this is most certainly true.
Please don’t allow winter storms to force you into some dreadful wellington boots. You know only Hunters are ever acceptable and even then, only on a farm or when out shooting. I know those Cath Kidson ones are adorable but a bit infra dig, wouldn’t you say?
Dry your tears girls, because winter boots are just the thing to put a smile on your face and a sashay in your step. Knee high goes without saying and I prefer leather – suede won’t last through Thanksgiving. Black or brown are most useful. As for height, I couldn’t possibly dictate but remember horses need a chunky heel and wayward freshers in clubs need a spiked one.
If even I can overcome my historical hatred of bonfire night simply because it’s an excuse to wear my fur coat, there’s no telling what this item can do. It doesn’t have to be expensive and, PETA, is always fake. There’s something quite luxurious about being all snuggled up while your peers freeze in their Jane Norman.
More than anything, it’s about relishing the little indulgences of life. Take notes in lectures with an expensive pen – those of you who have turned 21 probably have a wealth of these. Go to Salvation less and out for dinner more. Buy ridiculously expensive bath bubbles and enjoy a night where you only have to please yourself. I happen to have spent this Sunday night with a glass of wine and the Sunday papers in bed and it has been most delightful. Surround yourself with people you love and throw a dinner party. Never feel guilty for enjoying these treats because, at the end of the day, it’s all there is.
And if all of these fail to convince, London is a mere two hour train journey away.
Foundation
Now girls, you have displeased your Queen. Who, in the name of all that is pretty and expensive, told boys that we wear false eyelashes? Honestly, girls. We only have so many tricks up our sleeves! If you tell one, you might as well tell them; they trade girl-secrets like they were FIFA cards (whatever that may be). Next thing you know, library eye-sex dates have become a who-can-spot-the-fake date. And no one wants that.
As I am a magnanimous Queen, I shall forgive my little beauty girls. We girls have to retain a little mystery, for ourselves if nothing else. Never stop taking time to do those naughty little things you adore but he may find so hideously unattractive. Open up your hearts, girls, but never your make-up bag.
We all know that the secrets to feeling fantastic in clothes are good undergarments. I have taken to wearing my absolute sexiest underwear when I am facing the worst of days. There’s nothing quite like being berated for a poor seminar presentation when you know that, were you to take off your clothes, your scarlet bra, knickers and suspenders would be unveiled. That would certainly shut him up.
Despite this being an utterly delicious thought, especially if he were attractive, you do know it would be somewhat seedy in reality.
Remember, nice girls may be filthy in bed but they never, ever discuss it. And, if he’s knows what’s good for him, neither will he. Some things are just too good for locker room gossip.
Much like good lingerie being the secret to looking fantastic in clothes, good foundation is the secret to good make-up. Thus, I present for your beauty-viewing pleasure, my pick of the best foundations.
YSL Perfect Touch foundation
Flawless skin without the tedious use of a tiny foundation brush or getting your fingers all messy. This foundation has a brush attached which is not bad at all especially as a little goes a long way. Mix it with day moisturizer to give a sheer, beautiful finish. Don’t forget to add spf, the French never do for some reason.
Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer, spf 20
We all know the hype. Is it worth the price? Is it ever? Darlings, life is too short for cheap make-up. This little beauty allowed me to sail through a summer of internships without being asked once if I was hungover. If that’s not a selling factor, I don’t know what is. I use a triangular sponge for application but I don’t suppose it really matters.
Stila Illuminating powder foundation, spf 12
While some may see powder solely as a prop for when they finally experience their Mad Men seduction fantasy, I think it’s making a come-back. I have yet to find anything that provides reasonably full coverage without any mess or additional applicators. The fact you can buy pretty compacts is merely a bonus. Never one not to fully commit to playtime, mine’s from the 1940s for true retro chic.
Red Lipstick
I was once told that you should only marry a man who faints in your presence. I’m not sure whether, in our romance-devout times, that is entirely practical, but I do know that being a woman can be a powerful thing.
Everyone remembers the first time they realised they could get something they wanted by being a girl. I’m not talking about getting the job by flirting with the boss which is, of course, despicable but something much more innocent.
Perhaps the cute 15 year old boy allowed you to go through the door first or the bus conductor let you to buy a ticket despite being 5p short. That first little thrill of power is addictive and will stay with you forever.
We all know the girls who go too far; no one wants to see you flirt with a tutor to get an extension and don’t even think about wearing a low cut top to an interview. Still, there are moments when a little dance with debauchery (or at least looking like you do) can do wonders for your self confidence.
A friend of mine once told me that she thought red lipstick was only for the so-called ‘pretty girls’. This is ridiculous. The benefit of red lipstick is that it’s all about authority and aggression and raw sexuality. Those aspects do not coincide with being merely ‘pretty’. Red lipstick is donned, like armor, by those who believe themselves truly fabulous. And this is half the appeal.
Girls, I present to you: my three favorite red lipsticks.
Chanel in New York Red – my Grandmother (the Beauty Dowager) told me that a girl’s first lipstick should always be Chanel. Yes, the money would be better going to world hunger but I always think that if you’re going to splurge you should go big. This color is intense and bold as well as moisturizing. Those interlinked Cs don’t hurt either.
Guerlain in Folie de Grenant – The color name is a bit pretentious but don’t hold that against it. There are few colors dramatic enough to require almost no eye make-up and this is one of them. Wear with caution, my friends. Once they faint over you, you’re stuck with them.
Nars in Jungle Red – This is as strong and sexy as the Amazon women inhabiting the jungle it’s named after. Perfectly matte and incredibly pigmented, it seems as if your lips are naturally that color, creating a ‘geisha’ effect. I absolutely adore it and have been known to wear it and heels and nothing else in my bedroom after a hard day. Preferably with a glass of champagne.
Product Review: Max Factor Miracle Touch Foundation
How many words can one write about foundation? Well, my product orientated friends, let’s find out…
I purchased my Max Factor miracle touch foundation after I somehow found myself in the Cheshire sans make-up bag. Scary stuff. I’d always wanted to try this but had been dissuaded by my friends who belong firmly in the only-purchase-expensive-foundation camp. Knowing they were safely enclosed in the M25, this was my chance to go crazy.
Depending on my mood, I have always quite enjoyed purchasing new foundation. You sit in the chair while some beautifully made up girl spends 25 minutes analysing your skin tone with a very expensive brush in her hand. It really is a delightful way to spend an afternoon, if you like that sort of thing. Smearing various colours on my jaw with my fingers before running outside to check the shade on a Northern high street was not quite as luxurious.
Complaints aside, it was pretty easy to find my perfect shade. It blended with my skin beautifully and was hardly visible once applied. After purchase, I escorted it and my other budget buys to my hotel room.
Having spent exactly 10 minutes trying to get the damned thing open (black lid pops, glass jar twists fyi), it did not disappoint. The sponge allowed for smooth application and it didn’t leave any tide marks – one of my deepest fears. I was in love. Who needs expensive products? YSL? Clinique?? Laura Mercier? Pah.
We all know that a six hour party, no matter what takes place, is not the real test of any product. Could it last a 10 hour working day? Would it mask the dark circles, spots, and freckles? It would not. Sadly, the product wore off at around midday leaving me – gasp – bare faced.
I was understandably upset and the product remained in timeout (my bathroom drawer) for a good few days. With time, however, came clarity and forgiveness. It wasn’t the product’s fault. It cost a third of my other foundations and made sense that it would last a third as well.
Despite its flaws, it’s small size and easy application make it perfect to keep in your make-up bag and apply post-work and pre-drinks. Whether you’re willing to spend £12 for a product that your current foundation could do just as well is up to you.
How to…survive the red eye
Long-haul plane journeys can be fun because they are one of the few times in life when you are encouraged to eat constantly, radically limit your movement and get drunk at every meal.
The fact that mobiles are forbidden and conversing is discouraged are merely added bonuses. However, delightful as this all sounds, nothing is quite so terrifying as catching sight of yourself in the magnifying mirrors of the airplane loos.
Suddenly, any post-holiday prep was a complete waste of time. Your eyebrows are a disgrace, your skin is sallow and, oh-my-God, are those wrinkles? Suddenly, being talked off a ledge at 35,000 feet is looking like a real possibility.
Ah, but I have the secret, my beautiful friends. The airplane mirrors will always be mean but with a few inexpensive (well…) and vital beauty products, I will have you perky and pristine at arrivals in no time.
First of all, how you dress is how you feel. Britney Spears has never been the girl to emulate and I suggest you do not start now (aka no velour). I would wear trousers/jeans but that’s your call. Layers are essential and I never travel without a large scarf; useful if the aircon is intense or the blankets disgusting.
I’m sure you don’t need to be reminded but moisturizer is king. Plane humidity hovers around 10% which is very low and part of the reason why you get so dehydrated. Take off your make-up as soon as you get on the plane. I like Clean and Clear face wipes simply because they’re individually packaged and come in pairs but it doesn’t really matter.
Although your seat neighbors may now be giving the girl who washes in public looks, I’d apply a intense moisturizing cream like Nivea’s regenerating night cream (inexpensive and amazing).
I decant mine into little pots (easily purchased from M&S or Boots) to be in line with FAA regulations but not everyone is quite so obsessive.
Smear on some lip balm like Smith’s minted rose or the new Mac lip conditioners for some color and you’re good to go.
I always travel with an eye mask (which I steal from my Papa when he goes on business trips) but you can buy them anywhere if you’re not into kleptomania. Most good airlines also hand them out.
Every hour or whenever you remember, I like to give my face a blast of Evian’s mini water sprays. They are wonderfully hydrating and just generally make you feel more refreshed and reinvigorated. They are useful for convincing yourself that, of course, you can still be a jet setter! Even in Economy. At the back. By the loos.
As the flight comes to a close, you’ll want to sneak into the washrooms about an hour before you land so you don’t have to queue. At this point, I’d use another face wipe to remove any grim plane residue and brush my teeth. Any chemist sells mini travel toothbrushes and toothpastes which are worth investing in if for no other reason then when you spend the night elsewhere.
How much makeup you want to wear is really up to you. On my most recent flight, I applied some tinted moisturizer (Laura Mercier’s in nude), some lip gloss (above), curled my eye lashes and threw on some mascara (Maybelline the falsies volume express – love!) and called it a day. On other flights, I’ve been bored, had it around and applied a full face of make-up.
It really depends on how you feel and who you’re meeting at the other end. While, of course, I am not suggesting that any girl feel any pressure to look a certain way or conform to any social stereotypes (blah, blah, blah), it is undeniable that knowing you don’t look like death makes you feel a little better. It also may make your cheeky smile as you breeze through Customs more effective.
Whatever you decide, I would always use an caffeinated eye roll (Garnier’s skin renewal, I have two!) and some eye cream/concealer to alleviate dark circles. My favorite is Nars duals in custard/ginger which has vitamin E. I am obsessed with eye drops at the moment (Clear Eyes maximum redness relief) which are an cheap way to look more awake.
Oh, and no one’s hair looks good after an eight hour flight. Work some of John Frieda’s overnight repair formula through it at the beginning and throw it up in a messy bun. At least it’ll be moisturized at the end.
Hear ye, Hear ye…
Welcome, to campus’s first mostly frivolous and entirely superficial beauty product blog written by me, the Beauty Queen of University of York.
I take this noble responsibility very seriously and intend to approach the topics of beauty, body and hair product which a level of academic rigour rarely seen outside the History of Art building.
I intend to provide some light hearted entertainment while keeping you updated about the latest trends, product evaluations and even must-have lists from the Queen of Beauty herself.
Disclaimer: I would like to emphasize that this blog is not designed to objectify women or suggest that girls wear make-up to get the guy/get the job/avoid parking tickets. The girls I know say they wear and enjoy make-up for themselves and that’s good enough for me.
xoxo
Beauty Queen