Sit closer…

Derwent Firsts Vs Alcuin Firsts

The game that most people refer to as the “Real Final”. Yes, whoever wins this game will win the entire cup. FACT! So I recommend that you all get down to this match and witness what should be a well deserved win by Derwent.

Derwent are the favourites and have been all tournament, but obviously anything can happen…Joe Cooper might score, Michael Wynd might keep a clean sheet and Elvis might still be alive working in Poundland…

I have scored in every game, except against Halifax Thirds when I was hung-over, so I will be a constant threat to the Alcuin defence. Laurie Swan and Jack Crane are both two of the best defenders in this competition and it will take a huge effort to break down that solid twosome. Alcuin has a feeble midfield in comparison to Derwent, with the exception of Ed Murrills who has scored 6 goals so far in this Cup: Derwent’s Chris Barnett and Matt Hallam will have a very relaxed day. Dan Cox and Parris Williams are two very dangerous strikers if they are in form but we must remember that they are facing a Derwent defence who rarely concede.

Score Prediction: 2-1

Vanbrugh Firsts Vs James Firsts

Hahahahahahaha…That should summarise this game. Ok I will say a few words before I carrying on laughing. This game is pathetic. James college consist of Mark Johnson and Mark McLoud…they are the only two players in the team that can control the ball, pass and shoot. I witnessed this Jody Rolfe character’s last performance against Derwent Seconds and all I can say is that I hope he finishes his degree better than those one-on-ones. James College have nothing at the back or at the front just like a skinny girl. Enough is enough…I will personally tell Vanbrugh how to win this game: get Tom Sheldrick to kick the living daylights out of Johnson and McCloud….job DONE!
Vanbrugh, you are also terrible but slightly less terrible. On a positive note Vanbrugh have Mark Gouland in their team who is a quality player, but does he care? NO. His most common phrase this Cup has been “it’s only college football”. I would like to also point out that Vanbrugh have a good goalkeeper in Paul Taylor, even though he couldn’t save my last strike against him… That’s London Life.

Score Prediction: 4-0

Goodricke 1st Vs Vanbrugh 1st
Calm down! This will not be a thriller or one you tell your grandchildren, rather one of the most boring games in the quarter finals. If Dom O’Shea is in tip-top form he will score a minimum of a hat-trick against this pathetic Vanbrugh side.

With Matthew Witherwick out injured, Mark Gouland getting drunk at his 6th stag-do in the last month and Jonathan McWilliams simply exhausted from carrying a lack-lustre Vanbrugh side through the early stages of the cup, I expect Goodricke to win this one with ease. Goodricke have plenty of goals in them with the likes of Ben Smith, Dom O’Shea, Tom Wilson and David Coupland, all of who will be up against the least talented defence I have EVER seen. Goodricke are not as strong as they were last year, but they still have enough in the tank to stroll through to the semi-finals. As you watch this game, take 5 minutes out of your game-watching time to allow your eyes to follow Thomas Sheldrick around the pitch…it may bring a tear to your eye, the only things he offers to his poor Vanbrugh side are fouls and losing the ball at every opportunity. I look forward to the banter from the side-line for this game.

>>Score prediction: 3-1

Derwent 1st Vs Alcuin 2nd
Before I continue, I would like to congratulate Alcuin 2nd in getting this far!
Derwent 1st have conceded 2 goals so far in this competition, both by Ali Prince from Vanbrugh, in a game that still haunts me. Brushing the group stages under the mat, the actual facts are that Alcuin do not have a great chance of winning this game. Derwent will perform the usual duties of giving the ball to me who then in turn will either decide to swivel and BANG the ball into the net, or just give it to maybe Chris Barnett, Matt Hallam, Greg Gardener or Alex Cooper to score. I’m laughing as I’m writing this…I might not even play and give DJames a run-out…

Alcuin like to play a 4-5-1 formation with Udy Onwudike playing as the lone striker, who LACKS pace, acceleration, control, awareness, ability, form and soon £50. (He made a £50 bet with myself that he would score more goals than me in the cup…sigh). With a midfield consisting of Matt Bowyer whose highlight in the cup so far is head-butting someone in the face…and he may have had a shot on target in one game. Their defence has the pleasure of having the fast, strong and clumsy Michael Batula in addition to other equally reckless defenders sitting in front of the most consistent goal-keeper in the cup so far, having always conceded, David Ambrozejczyk. Thank God Thomas Gibby and Miles McDermott are in the Alcuin team, hopefully their presence will stop the monstrous ongoing attacks from Derwent long enough to make this an interesting game for the spectators.

>>Score prediction: 7-0
(Dreamz & Udy’s bet prediction: I win £50)

Alcuin 1st Vs Halifax 1st
For me this will be the best game of the round. Alcuin have started to regain their usual great form with Parris Williams looking particularly dangerous in-front of goal. Jake Delaney is nothing but a distant memory now, although my thoughts go out to the broken down, wine-selling, 8ft giant who hangs around with his new best friend Emo ‘the guy with the long messy hair’ Emmerson, playing Championship Manager all day. Dan Cox has done a good job with the Alcuin team so far in this competition to have won every game, maintaining that 100% record. Their playing style reminds me slightly of Barcelona FC – a team that offers so much going forward – but with weaknesses in a defense that relies heavily on Laurie Swan and a mindless goalkeeper, they are always going to concede. Ed Murrills is the most effective and dangerous player on the ball in this game, having already scored 5 goals. I am proud to say that I scouted him in the winter of 2006.

Many people have said to me that Shaun Evans has scored 4 goals and that he has the most Fantasy Points, but that is irrelevant. The truth of he matter is that he is NOT a midfielder and the fact he is playing there is comical. On the bright-side Dom Green and Connor Brennan have formulated the best striker partnership in the competition with 6 goals between them, although they still have a lot to learn, therefore this match could be their last seminar.

>>Score prediction: 3-2

James 1st Vs Derwent 2nd
Dreams can come true. Derwent 2nd have earned their way this round. They have gritted their teeth through the group stages and pulled off some brilliant results – therefore skipper of the tournament so far has to be John Pinkstone. Derwent 2nd draw against Halifax 1st is one of the highlights of the Cup and has proven that, like the FA Cup, there is always something magical associated with knock-out competitions. Pinkstone’s soldiers will however have a very difficult task ahead of them in the form of James 1st. In my opinion, James 1st are one of the worst first teams in the Cup considering they have a below par defence and strike force. They expect Mark McCloud and Mark Johnson to win the game for them. Of course these two great players can change a game, but what happens when they ping a perfectly weighted 40 yard pass to James Offord? Will he score? Will he even control it? The facts are obvious, if Derwent mark certain players out the game, if Ed Lacaille is awake and if DJames’ head is off spinning ‘the decks’ for just 60-minutes, this game could really go any way…like Adam Clarke’s sexuality. LOL (Laugh out loud).

>>Score prediction: 1-1 (penalties 4-5)