10 Things I Hate About Uni

moans about what’s pissing him off of late

  1. Top of the list this week are the students who decided to vote ‘Yes’ to electing a Working Class Officer for the University. As a working class person myself, I find this move both patronising and pointless, achieving little other than further dividing the already fractured student body.
  2. Okay, so if you’ve read this column before, you’ll know that the previous point is a little out of sync with my usual style. Never fear, because point two focuses on the stupid fucking washing machine in my student house. It has broken three times in two weeks, the latest occasion covering me in rancid stank-water. Not cool.
  3. The first submission for the third-year English dissertation was due this week, tak-ing the form of a perplexing “annotated bibliography”, where you choose a load of sources you want to use and analyse them. The diss isn’t due until summer. Come on York, you really expect me to have started reading before, like, May?
  4. On the topic of the English degree, to the bastards who consistently ask “so, are you going to be a teacher when you finish?” NO! There are other, admittedly minimal possibilities out there. And I hate children.
  5. Children.
  6. I can’t work out whether it’s my miniscule student loan or prodigious drinking habits that require me to have a part-time job during uni. Either way, bartending three shifts a week to entitled knobheads at an unnamed, five star city centre hotel is somewhat taking its toll.
  7. Yorkshire is a county so deprived of luxury that it transpires aforementioned five star hotel, is, indeed, the only one in the entire county. Fingers crossed my bosses are reading and I get the sack.
  8. I’ve bought an academic year diary from YUSU shop in the hope that it somehow spurs me into organising myself prior to essay deadlines come the end of term. So far, the pages are filled with plans such as “Pete’s birthday party – buy alcohol”, “have shave” and “buy new trainers”. Nice going, Jack.
  9. You never get to see dead geese anywhere on campus. I was thinking this the other day; one minute, they’re all over the place, shitting everywhere and attacking students, the next they’re gone. I know they migrate, but where do they actually die? Just be interesting to see a dead goose. I’m easily pleased.
  10. Finally, and in true Scrooge style, it is too early to have Christmas decorations up. 1st December and I’m all over it, but I walked into my girlfriend’s house the other day and it was a fucking grotto. I haven’t recovered from my Halloween hangover yet…

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