1. The first night will be awkward and you’ll drink too early
The expectancy to have a drink will kick in as soon as you’ve settled down. When an acceptable number of people have stationed themselves in the kitchen and you know their name and what course they’re doing, the first bottle or can will be opened to help some more interesting conversation flow. So by about five o’clock, most of you will be half cut.
2. Someone will ruin themselves for the week
There are two types of people who will do this: the person painting over the initial awkwardness with excess tequila, and the person who hasn’t drunk before and is yet to find their limit. Either way, they’ll be sitting on the third night with a sour stomach and a heap of regret.
3. You’ll visit places you’ll never to go again
Freshers’ Week is an exploration of what’s on offer. It’s likely that your route will be different every night with the exception of the College bar, so you can expect to visit some establishments that you never want to set foot in again or will just plain forget about.
4. You’ll play overly sexual drinking games with your flatmates (which you regret in the morning)
‘Never have I ever’ will be abused in the first few nights, along with the more niche games that will be brought from different parts of the country. Whatever you play, the sexually inexperienced will be weeded out – but not judged – and the completely insane will be exposed. It’ll be fantastic fun.
5. You’ll spend £50 on fancy dress that you’ll never use again
Animals, Native Americans, sportspersons and everything in between, you’ll soon be comfortable with looking like a bit of prune. Unless you join a sports team, you will likely be digging five or six outfits out of the back of the cupboard in nine months and wondering why you added to an already crippling debt by purchasing several overpriced tunics.
6. You’ll realise how wise your choice of college was
College loyalty varies between certain colleges. Some people treat each encounter with rival college like a battle scene from a Tolkein novel, and a lot of people could not care less. Whether you love your college or hate it, it will still be the best and everyone else can shut up.
7. You’ll learn songs about other colleges that are less than savoury
You don’t know it yet, but there’s several thousand people living nearby that you are obliged to hate. Conveniently, there are songs in which you can express this not yet understood hatred towards a group of people who probably aren’t as bad as you think.
8. You’ll realise you’re not as intelligent as you thought you were
You’re a clever clogs, you got into York! Everyone else you’re living with did too. There will always be someone better than you, and always someone worse, but I can guarantee you won’t feel as intelligent as you did when you were surrounded by mere mortals in college.
9. You won’t get to know anyone
Painted as a time to make new friends, the likelihood of anyone behaving the way they do in Freshers’ Week for the rest of the year is slim to none. And if they do, they’re insane and you should stay away from them.
10. You won’t go to Willow
And we can only apologise for that. Second and third years alike will eulogise and reminisce and you will listen thinking they’re stupid for liking such a thing. Then you’ll get to some of the other clubs and realise that piss-soaked prawn crackers could have been the lesser of two evils.
11. You’ll make lifelong friends
It won’t be every single flatmate and it might not even be the people you think it will be after the first week but a handful of the people you meet this week will be with you forever. Thankfully, some of them won’t be and that will be a massive relief.