Callum McCulloch: 10 Things I’ve learnt this week

flirts with walls, learns not to vote Tory and steals someone’s identity

Image: Harriet Cheshire

Image: Harriet Cheshire

1. Check Mate is the best and worst film of all time. York Student TV’s 2012 masterpiece now has over 17,000 views and has gathered an unexpected cult following. The plot is more complex than Inception so I suggest multiple viewings. Watch out for classic lines such as “My Dad died because of America; he was just minding his own business.”

2. I’m a dedicated flirt. On a slightly over-hedonistic night, I was in such a dire state that I bought a drink for a wall. This response was unfortunately representative of how badly my Goldrush attempts have been.

3. I’m a terrible person for voting Conservative. Or at least this is how Facebook and most other students want to present me. Supporting the Tories seemed like such a campus taboo, but thankfully no one owns the moral high ground.

4. Finishing exams was such an anti-climax. Finishing two weeks before everyone else may seem amazing on paper, but by the end I was mind-numbingly bored. Finishing all episodes of The Undateables and First Dates proved a particular low point.

5. This summer will be painfully under-whelmimg. I’m perilously deep into my overdraft so will spend the majority of my time working inside to pay this off. And when I do go outside, I get sunburnt easier than a ginger in the Sahara.

6. York is the 22nd best placed university in the UK. It was no surprise to see all of the other universities I applied to higher in the Guardian 2016 league table but there were a few shocks. Our arch rivals Lancaster are placed 10th which surely can’t be right. We also sit behind a place called Heriot-Watt which sounds like the surname of someone you may have met on your gap year. Who actually completes these surveys anyway?

7. York Uni Swap Shop is a magical thing. I’ve been looking for a shattered and unusable iPhone 5 for £100! What a steal that is. Oh and an unopened bag of Sainsbury’s coffee? I’ve hit the jackpot.

8. Having a very similar name to the organiser of Big D was more than convenient. I danced around all night being showered with false praise, and being the horrendous person I am, I lapped it all up.

9. Nos (otherwise known as laughing gas) being made illegal presents a very bad move for the UK’s drug legislation. Nos has been responsible for 12 deaths since 1992 whereas alcohol kills around 40,000 each year. The harmless drug caters for young adults who are yet to discover the thrill of real drugs, and these new laws will force students to search elsewhere for cheap thrills, which could be potentially much more dangerous.

10. I’m playing the wrong sport. In a whole season of University hockey I managed a meager four goals. However, while playing football for the Hes West Barbarians, I’ve got my name on the scoresheet four times. Although I fear this may say more about my seriously lacking hockey ability than anything else.

One comment

  1. I swear I view this website daily. These pics and music seelntiocs are INCREDIBLE. I still feel the emotions of the wedding. The newly weds will NEVER know how much I TRULY appreciate the opportunity to share this moment with them. Now I will send the bill .wuh yuh tink, dat n-ta-tain-ment wuz Free? The Best Man

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