Callum McCulloch: 10 Things I’ve learnt this week

talks horrendous haircuts, potentially smoking and ski trips

Image: Harriet Cheshire

Image: Harriet Cheshire

1. Uni ski trips are just an excuse for those who did a ski season to show off. NB. If you refer to it as a period of employment in an alpine region specialising in winter sports, people will be less likely to take the piss…I think.

2. People that drink water from protein shakers in lectures just want everyone to know they go to the gym. Oh please do tell me more.

3. Beware any hairdresser with a horrendous haircut. I like iced-gems as much as the next person, but not sure I’m comfortable having the delicious party treat as the inspiration for my current hairstyle.

4. The punctuation and grammar on Tinder in Oxford is intimidatingly strong. However, I knew it was time to come back to uni when faced with the impossibly bleak statement “There’s no one new around you.”

5. If exams were conducted on QuizUp I’d be sorted. My knowledge of obscure footballers may be enough to beat some randomer from Lebanon, but unfortunately doesn’t have much practical application elsewhere.

6. I’m hosting a funeral for my bank account. I hope you can all attend to help me through this difficult period. Donations are accepted and encouraged.

7. Being the only one of my friends who doesn’t smoke is seriously problematic. There’s only so many times I can refresh Facebook while they go out for a cigarette every 30 minutes. Maybe I should start. Sorry Mum.

8. Ed Miliband is as useless as a one-armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse. I’m not sure whether certain media outlets are favouring him as a result of a high-stakes ‘odds on’, or out of morbid curiosity. If it’s the former, I can’t wait for the Tab article.

9. This term I’m paying £3000 for 28 contact hours. I usually love lavish, unsustainable spending but am not seeing the fun in this. But £50 for a shirt off Wavey Garms I’ll probably never wear? Now you’re talking.

10. The first rule of the ski trip is, you must always talk about the ski trip. With uncountable Facebook albums, GoPro videos and #liveupdates there was enough to bore even the biggest social media fiends. But on a serious note, if a university student goes skiing on a mountain and no one is around to Instagram it, did they really go skiing? By the way, I went skiing.

One comment

  1. Sounds like you’re writing for The Tab

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