The student life barometer

Maggie Smith’s up and Public Displays of Affection are down…

GoingUpOct22

History of Student Life in 1000 Objects

#2: the McDonalds Burger

Brandon Seager

Brandon Seager

“We’re late. We’re lost – if you had a proper smartphone this wouldn’t be a problem…” The girlfriend’s not happy – neither is your temperamental Blackberry.

You’re freshers on your way to the Duchess – it’s your first foray into town … With a student discount, even if it’s a washout you’ll still have money for the 99p student cheeseburger. You’re walking there, nobody ever contributes their full share of the taxi fare. With an Evian bottle full of Lambrini and a hole in your shoe you’ll be squelching all the way to Vanbrugh. The days of Mummy keeping your socks in pairs are a distant memory. Nobody wants to say that they don’t know who the band are.

But now you’re lost. “Don’t worry, we’ll just follow people in check shirts – everyone knows people who go to gigs wear check shirts…” You’re certain. It can’t fail. And lo, a second later some top-knotted boys in check shirts and brogues strut past. “Hello, for two please,” as you scamper cheekily past the queue they foolishly joined the back of. You go in, the music’s thumping (“In between sets”, you think). A second-year dressed in the same trousers as your head of department informs you that they played that one half an hour ago.

You’re at the bar now – “What was the supporting band?” you inquire of the barman.

“Band? This is Bangers and Mash mate”.

“Ah … Bugger …” McDonalds it is.

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