The Campaign Manager Diaries: Thomas Banks

Wednesday afternoon! Usually a time for fun, frolics and sports but unfortunately we’re writing to you under a bit of a dark cloud.

Once again it’s Nicholas D-M from Banks Campaign HQ scribbling this down. Thomas Banks was on top of the world yesterday (did you hear about his shiny – holy grail of FA sticker collecting if I’m honest) but things have taken a bit of a turn.

People have been ripping down his posters. And I for one don’t think that’s very nice. Whilst Banks would love to be writing this blog, his eyes are so clogged with tears as he weeps in the foetal position. He’s taken it as a comment on his looks. He’s worried it might mean he needs a make over on BBC 3’s Snog-Marry-Avoid. Come on, he’s already got to wear novelty glasses – at least give the kid a chance!

But he’s not one to be knocked down for long. We were up bright and early this morning and we’ll be out again in the next hour chatting to the huge number of BANKERS around campus. Come on team, we’re in the final stage and we’ve got the advantage. We can’t lose, not now, not if we want a moderately improved future with a moderate man at the helm.

I suppose it’s like the old “Victory or Death” chestnut, except none of us will actually die based on the YUSU elections. You might have to continue living in this bendy bus-less, microwave-less and segway-less dystopia if you don’t vote Banks though.

As a little sign of how helpful some of these minor changes are to people, we delivered a microwaved Rustler’s lunch meal to one lucky so-and-so in the library yesterday. He loved it. Banks wants to see everyone’s face beam like his when he was chowing down.

If you’ll excuse the metaphor, he doesn’t want any invasive surgery attaching new limbs and hacking out organs from your experience. Minor tweaks, a little botox here and there, will uplift everyone.

Together, we can win this hands-down.

Nicholas D-M (although Thomas just screamed “LOVE YOU ALL” through his sobbing, so he is thinking about you).


  1. Oh my days! This is the only thing making election interesting!!

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  2. 27 Feb ’13 at 7:39 pm

    An educated voter


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  3. I voted for Banks with my right hand whilst indulging in some banking with my left.

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  4. Why isn’t there a vote more than once button on yusu voting system?

    This guy is a genius.

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  5. Not that I don’t find this entertaining, but some people act as if they’ve never seen a joke candidate before…

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  6. Its nice for one to actually be mildly amusing for a change though. A moon base – really?

    Lighten up and enjoy the campaign.

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