The campus activist
Got to confess, I’ve been feeling a little stiff of late, having spent the last week sleeping on the pavement outside of Heslington Hall to protest the University Administration’s investment in the arms trade/failure to provide comprehensive recycling facilities/lack of soy and tofu based-catering on campus. My hemp sleeping bag can also get a little scratchy.
However, I console myself that my suffering is nothing compared to those in Africa, as my hero Bob Geldof so often says. There are so few beings that compare to his selfless and humanitarian character; it makes me so angry sometimes I am driven to submit countless UGM motions in an attempt to combat the unbelievable student and worldwide-apathy that haunts my existence.
At least I have the York Action Revolutionary Society in which I can vent my frustration at the world, particularly as our ranks our continuing to expand. The Leninists weren’t too happy since the new recruits turned out to be Anarchists, but it’s just nice to get a few new faces.
Daddy also said he would increase my allowance so we can finally fund the posters and die-in we have planned on Vanbrugh bowl! He may work in investment banking, but he has the heart of a revolutionary.
We will bring this University to its knees with our harshly worded petition. We have a midnight vigil planned as well. I fully intend to to do a reading of my modern reinterpretation of Allen Ginsgerg’s Howl, inspired by Brian Cantor himself; powerful stuff if I do say so myself.
I have found myself increasingly distanced from my housemates after they ignorantly refused to swap all meat products to soy. We also all got into something of a conflict after I cleansed our house of all products that I deemed morally dubious. While this may have included many items of their wardrobes (made in sweat-shops) and make-up (tested on animals), I really fail to comprehend how they aren’t grateful to be free of such unethical ties.
My facebook status’s have also sparked something of backlash of late. I really don’t understand how my friend list diminished so dramatically, after I only suggested many of my peers are superficial morons, slaving away to the capitalist man. People just can’t handle the truth.
I’ve been spending a lot of time in the library recently. Not doing so much for my degree, but I’ve heard it is the place to go to cement your social status. My brief spell as a Fusion model has, I feel, put me on a good path for campus-wide recognition but it really is quite hard to climb the society ladder here at York.
Fortunately I started with a leg up, having taken a gap year. I find I’m much more savvy to social situations, unlike some of the people that live in my halls, who, bless them, are really quite awkward. I knew this girl back home who had gone to primary school with that guy who was my college’s ents rep last year, so I facebooked him and we’re like really good friends now and he introduced me like to all his friends so I’ve really flown the nest, so to speak. I can safely say by the end of this year my reputation will be secure, and anyone who is anyone will know my name.
Admittedly, yes, my own ents rep bid was unsuccessful but to be honest I was only really doing that for a bit of a laugh. Now I’m setting up my own society, which really is far more important. No I didn’t join any societies myself because, to be frank, who wants to start as the bottom rung of the ladder? Also none of them really sound that exciting, I don’t think there’s really one for me at all. But I’ve met so many people in the short time that I’ve been here – in fusion, Ziggys, mainly in house parties as well – and they’re all really up for joining the society I make, so it’s going to be sick.
It’s all about appearances you see, that’s the ultimate way to establish your status. I see my fellow freshers rambling scruffily across campus in pyjamas and University hoodies- do they really have no shame? It takes me hours to pick out the perfect casual-smart outfits in which to stroll down the catwalk of the Reading Room. I have even recently started taking a change of clothes for midway through the day- always prepared, that’s my motto!
I’ve also sort of maybe been seeing this third-year guy. We meet at all the same parties and he complimented me on my new super-indie outfit. Haven’t you heard, all the biggest names on campus are all really alternative now? I have decided I so much prefer the company of third years anyway; so much more sophisticated and at my level. I’m really hoping they all join my new society- my social legacy would finally then be secure.
I really don’t understand what all the fuss was about! I was just talking to Christine on my phone while I looked for a few books, and the grumpiest guy ever came over. He was all like ‘be quiet please, this is a library’ but I was having none of it. I turned round and told him straight up that it’s a free country and I’m entitled to freedom of speech. I went down to a whisper. Christine really couldn’t hear or anything, but it was a burden we had to bear for the sake of manners.
But apparently that’s not even good enough! He came over again and asked me to stop talking again, but it was all serious sounding this time. Well that really hurt me. Tears welling up, I stormed downstairs, and resumed the chat. Christine had no idea what was going on. It was so annoying, we were just trying to sort out our holiday plans.
Anyway, skip forward a few days and I’m back in the library. I gave Christine another call, and we’re just chatting away for about ten minutes when the guy is back again! He told me I had to either put the phone down or leave the library. It was so embarrassing, everyone in the room was blates sympathising with me. I can’t believe they hire staff so rude, he was just so bossy! I wasn’t really hurting anyone.
I came back the next day and wrote in one of the comment and suggestion boxes. I was all “you should hire some staff who aren’t soooo rude!” Hope that terrible man gets sacked, you just can’t treat people that way. What do I pay my fees for anyway?