Seaworld by numbers

Seaworld by numbers

6 The number of Nouse journalists who are unaware that a whale penis is known as a ‘dork.’ Actually, there are only 5 in the office. I finally got the imaginary friend I always wanted.

1 the number of elephants that accurately represent the size of the blue whale’s tongue. Many jokes about whales and lesbians ensued.

50%. The amount of fat in whale milk. That’s ten times human milk! Can lead to a weight gain of 200lbs a day! And we thought Britain was fat.

$24.99. The reduced price of an “I heart whales” apron. Money well spent, I say. I have two.

150 tons. The maximum size of the blue whale. That’s the heaviest animal in the world. Keep that on the DL though, we don’t want them developing anorexic tendencies.

3%. The proportion of their body weight that whales eat every day – about 130lbs. That’s lots of plankton. Was it really a surprise that Ahab in Moby Dick got eaten?
80. The average age a female whale will die. It’s 30 for men. Only male whales sing to attract a mate. Maybe they shouldn’t have tried so hard.

130 million. The number of visitors to Seaworld since it opened. Deputy Numbers and I are not two of them. This is sad. And partially responsible for my fetish. Freud was right, it’s all about the childhood.

2 times. How much bigger a male whale’s dorsal fin is than a female’s. Wahey. Wahey. In other news, do you think sperm whales were made fun of in whale school?

12 million years. The time whales have been on this planet. They used to have legs and walk, we hear. Following this logic, my dreams of becoming Ariel may finally come true. Under the sea, da da daaa….

85%. The number of Nouse-bots who publicly ridiculed this edition of Numbers.

70%. The amount who admitted to secretly watching Seaworld videos at home. I knew they’d come round eventually.

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