The Acquaintance with Poppy Babcock

As I lie in bed after a particularly rude awakening early on an unspecified morning, it strikes me that I have become increasingly tolerant of things that get my goat. Seething ball of fury at the many and varied inadequacies proffered by my surroundings I am, alas, no more; it’s been one chill pill too many. Discussions with a former grumpy-at-arms led me to wonder whether or not this was the much anticipated wisdom of years kicking in; before, I hasten to add, she asked me if I’d taken the ‘high’ road and I eliminated any prospect of chemical interference responsible for my change in temperament.

Maturity about as likely an explanation as Valium, I pondered my new-found calm. Without a doubt, the same things still get my goat, shave of all its hair and tickle it incessantly; but my new maxim is ‘see the funny side’. So my belief is that I have responded genetically to my surroundings and developed a longer fuse, in order to survive here. Which is pretty impressive, if you ask me.

Anyway, as a word of warning, Gallery is a surprise offender for lingering- too- long- and- too- close males; don’t be fooled by the entrance fee, it’s just an outing to a zoo as opposed to a meander through a pet shop that is having a closing sale. At some party somewhere, one lanky specimen with a selfish amount of hair pushed my buttons when he swooped down to my quivering lip, snaked his arms around my waist and proceeded to blow on my nose. Well funny side, I embrace you. If words fail you when faced with a pretty girl, never fear: inherit the wind. Works like a charm.

Encounters with the opposite sex are loathsome enough; but actually, on a good day, nothing gets me going like an irritating girlfriend. And in the last few weeks, I’ve had many a chuckle.

My favourite has to be the braless wonder, who should have been cordoned off after taking a girl’s eye out with one of her… nipples. I’ve always felt that the word doesn’t do justice to the more prominent pairs; it just implies small, delicate and absolutely non-violent. The ones I’m talking about should come with some kind of warning,.

Loved the Fusion afterparty- attractive people looking the thinnest and happiest they will for weeks, celebrating a job well done. Excellent combination. The event also gave an exclusive viewing of gorgeous former campus celeb’s engagement rock; one could barely hear oneself peeing for all the cooing and billing going on in the queue for the toilets. And I’m not one for conspiracy theories, but do we really think it was coincidence that sunglasses were being sold?

If it hadn’t been for the pair I scrounged off a friend who had absolutely no idea she’d paid for them let alone had them on the top of her head, I really do think it would have blinded me.

So I’d advise you all to do as I have and relax. Borrow a phrase from our newly re-elected Pres: keep it cool.

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