The Acquaintance

Well it’s nearing the end of term and much has come to pass; for one, we’ve all limboed under or leapt over the hurdle that is Valentine’s day. It’s a trying time for the single cynics, who have to pretend that it’s a meaningless commercial charade to their friends but cry into their pillows at night.

Almost as bad are the few in relationships themselves; the awful dilemma of flowers, chocolates or a selection from the sale rack in Ann Summer’s is just too much for some to bear and all that’s left is to call time. My decision was perhaps the wisest; to get drunk by myself. If you can’t cope with yourself as a drunken mess, then there’s no way you’ll ever tolerate a better half. No amount of cajoling could tempt me into a girls’ night out; inevitably becoming a boys’ and girls’ night in, and out, in… and out. It seemed to me that in the spirit of romance, we could have a look round and see what’s budding; or, in most cases, what needs a good weed.

What has been refreshing is the heartwarming surge of trust that lovers seem to have in one another of late. On a rather uneventful night out a few rather scantily clad girls caught my eye. Leaving less to the imagination than soft-core porn, curiousity got the better of me and I asked a friend for a little background information.

Imagine my amazement when I was informed that two of the gang were in serious relationships and were committed to their beaus. All one can do is applaud the faith these men have in their ladies; and of course, attempt to erase the image of errant erect nipples from one’s mind. Sturdy relationships aside; perhaps a fashion faux bra.

We’ve all got one; a really rather tragic friend in an “on again, off again” relationship. “Understanding” may perhaps be better; I’m sure they all connive in underground dens to torment the more stable components of their friendship groups. One such “couple” has yet to enjoy more than a few hours of exclusive bliss at my last count, and yet don’t seem to leave each other’s side. One has to wonder whether perhaps they’re getting into character for some poorly written soap; or, alternatively, that they have really fantastic make-up sex. Either way, what’s most important is how to best keep the rest of the world up to speed- I’m advocating for a new Facebook app: “Keep Track- In the Sack or Bouncing Back?”. It’ll just make life so much easier.

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