The Mixer
Shoe quaffing, cutlery snaffling awkwardness
Tucking into our chicken, erm, ‘supreme’, having blagged our way, Gordon Brown-like, onto the top table, TM takes in the surroundings of the York Sport Dinner, the social highlight of sport at York for people who do sport at York by the committee that runs sport at York.
Straight ahead, in shocking defiance of Alex Lacy, who is awkwardly on stage mumbling something about inclusion, YUSnow are collectively slurping cheap table wine from their loafers (see helpful picture, right). It’s barely 8pm and the decorum York Sport had tried so poorly to encourage had gone the way of Gaz Coleman’s credibility.
During the dessert, rowdy rugby players, with welfare-radar Charlie Leyland aghast, imposed an impromptu cutlery ban the likes of Yorkshire hasn’t seen since the invention of Sheffield. Mike Callis, gasping for breath following his inexplicable decision to noose himself with bow tie and normal tie, assumed the stage and demonstrated how to hoover the standard issue slab of “98% chocolatey” chocolate (Nicholas Waite soundbite no. 137) without hands in 2.3 seconds flat. The evening’s suffocated class had stopped kicking and screaming.
As Paul Guest was starting to regret taking Kate Copson along with him, so started the time-consuming process of issuing colours – sorry generic yellow certificates – to commemorate excellence in pole dancing, tai chi and hill walking. The gloomy procession was clearly awkward for Lacy, who didn’t recognise anyone he was congratulating and didn’t receieve a great deal of gratitude for handing out photocopied post-it notes.
Flying High
Halifax College: Once again York’s largest college has romped home to the college title, which sort of makes sense if you think about it… With six Sports Reps and Emily Scott’s persuasive squeak, they’ve got plenty of organisational foundation and excelled at last week’s sports day.
Mid-Table Safety
Alcuin College: A magnificent second for Alcuin breaks a terrible run in the college standings. College coordinator Paul Guest has been behind most of it – literally, in fact, as he has played for most of the teams. It’s certainly something to build on for a college with great, but often unfulfilled, potential.
Relegation Zone
Goodricke College: Third from may as well be bottom itself with Wentworth and Langwith holding up the rear, and for a college that finished first in 2006 and second in 2007, that’s a pretty poor effort. With a move to Heslington East in the pipeline, their is some hope for ‘Gricke.‘ But don’t hold your breath.
Top totty in this year’s TTTOY
This year of sport has indeed been an excting one for girls across campus. Those torsos have been out in recent weeks, glaring gorgeously in the suns reflection. Being a university of the north means those bellies are hidden for longer in the winter months, growing bigger with the mince pie intake and mulled wine. Yet TM finds it even more of a delight when the sun releases its rays and allows beauty to be seen at its most lovely… topless. So the big question is, who is the topless torso team of the year, or as TM likes to call it, TTTOY? After some hard debate, and spying with a pair of cheap binoculars at various games, the TTTOY award must to the mens firsts tennis team . The chizzled bodies of the foursome are enough to melt any ice cream from a scary greensleeves music-playing van. Let’s hope the new tennis courts will give the team even more reason next summer to allow the Achillies’s and Hercules’ of York to be fully released to York’s female population. Don’t say girls don’t care about sport! Congrats boys.
TheMixer’s crystal ball
Making use of all manner of psychic powers, TheMixer makes a few predictions for the sporting year ahead:
- York Sport to abandon their black and gold kit rollout, as Emily Scott favours a more fetching pink and yellow number.
- Tiddleywinks, Asking Directions, Persistent Complaining, and Danger Monopoly to become York Sport ratified activities.
- Tiddleywinks to achieve record number of colours handouts after winning Roses in front of 10,000-strong crowd.
- Hockey firsts to win a game… well, actually maybe not.
- Man on street finally understands Lacymatics. World ends.
- Joe Cooper finally hits target after six months of flak from the general university community.
- Lancaster campaign to include streaking, inflatable banana heist and goalmouth urination as competitive sport in Roses build-up.
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“Joe Cooper finally hits target after six months of flak from the general university community”.
Unneccessary BULLYING, talk about finding an easy target and kicking them while there down, Nouse thats poor, i expect it from the Yorker, but not you lot….
“Joe Cooper hits target after six months of flak from the general university community”.
”university second team striker Joe Cooper – who had a top-scoring university football season”
Both taken from your website. Conflictive reporting Nouse? Poor.