Cup Dreamz: the prodigal predictor
The outspoken man about campus, Dreamz Murphy unveils words of timeless Cup widom. (Arran Bowen-la Grange)
It is time to clear up this College Cup mess with my words of wisdom. I have sat upon my mountain of knowledge for far too long, so I have decided to unravel the mysteries behind this much talked about football competition. We have reached the quarter-finals now, the stage where the likes of Dom Green, Joe Cooper and Jody Rolfe all fade into the background whilst the naturally talented emerge victorious. Gather round…
Goodricke 1st Vs Vanbrugh 1st
Calm down! This will not be a thriller or one you tell your grandchildren, rather one of the most boring games in the quarter finals. If Dom O’Shea is in tip-top form he will score a minimum of a hat-trick against this pathetic Vanbrugh side.
With Matthew Witherwick out injured, Mark Gouland getting drunk at his 6th stag-do in the last month and Jonathan McWilliams simply exhausted from carrying a lack-lustre Vanbrugh side through the early stages of the cup, I expect Goodricke to win this one with ease. Goodricke have plenty of goals in them with the likes of Ben Smith, Dom O’Shea, Tom Wilson and David Coupland, all of who will be up against the least talented defence I have EVER seen. Goodricke are not as strong as they were last year, but they still have enough in the tank to stroll through to the semi-finals. As you watch this game, take 5 minutes out of your game-watching time to allow your eyes to follow Thomas Sheldrick around the pitch…it may bring a tear to your eye, the only things he offers to his poor Vanbrugh side are fouls and losing the ball at every opportunity. I look forward to the banter from the side-line for this game.
>>Score prediction: 3-1
Derwent 1st Vs Alcuin 2nd
Before I continue, I would like to congratulate Alcuin 2nd in getting this far!
Derwent 1st have conceded 2 goals so far in this competition, both by Ali Prince from Vanbrugh, in a game that still haunts me. Brushing the group stages under the mat, the actual facts are that Alcuin do not have a great chance of winning this game. Derwent will perform the usual duties of giving the ball to me who then in turn will either decide to swivel and BANG the ball into the net, or just give it to maybe Chris Barnett, Matt Hallam, Greg Gardener or Alex Cooper to score. I’m laughing as I’m writing this…I might not even play and give DJames a run-out…
Alcuin like to play a 4-5-1 formation with Udy Onwudike playing as the lone striker, who LACKS pace, acceleration, control, awareness, ability, form and soon £50. (He made a £50 bet with myself that he would score more goals than me in the cup…sigh). With a midfield consisting of Matt Bowyer whose highlight in the cup so far is head-butting someone in the face…and he may have had a shot on target in one game. Their defence has the pleasure of having the fast, strong and clumsy Michael Batula in addition to other equally reckless defenders sitting in front of the most consistent goal-keeper in the cup so far, having always conceded, David Ambrozejczyk. Thank God Thomas Gibby and Miles McDermott are in the Alcuin team, hopefully their presence will stop the monstrous ongoing attacks from Derwent long enough to make this an interesting game for the spectators.
>>Score prediction: 7-0
(Dreamz & Udy’s bet prediction: I win £50)
Alcuin 1st Vs Halifax 1st
For me this will be the best game of the round. Alcuin have started to regain their usual great form with Parris Williams looking particularly dangerous in-front of goal. Jake Delaney is nothing but a distant memory now, although my thoughts go out to the broken down, wine-selling, 8ft giant who hangs around with his new best friend Emo ‘the guy with the long messy hair’ Emmerson, playing Championship Manager all day. Dan Cox has done a good job with the Alcuin team so far in this competition to have won every game, maintaining that 100% record. Their playing style reminds me slightly of Barcelona FC – a team that offers so much going forward – but with weaknesses in a defense that relies heavily on Laurie Swan and a mindless goalkeeper, they are always going to concede. Ed Murrills is the most effective and dangerous player on the ball in this game, having already scored 5 goals. I am proud to say that I scouted him in the winter of 2006.
Many people have said to me that Shaun Evans has scored 4 goals and that he has the most Fantasy Points, but that is irrelevant. The truth of he matter is that he is NOT a midfielder and the fact he is playing there is comical. On the bright-side Dom Green and Connor Brennan have formulated the best striker partnership in the competition with 6 goals between them, although they still have a lot to learn, therefore this match could be their last seminar.
>>Score prediction: 3-2
James 1st Vs Derwent 2nd
Dreams can come true. Derwent 2nd have earned their way this round. They have gritted their teeth through the group stages and pulled off some brilliant results – therefore skipper of the tournament so far has to be John Pinkstone. Derwent 2nd draw against Halifax 1st is one of the highlights of the Cup and has proven that, like the FA Cup, there is always something magical associated with knock-out competitions. Pinkstone’s soldiers will however have a very difficult task ahead of them in the form of James 1st. In my opinion, James 1st are one of the worst first teams in the Cup considering they have a below par defence and strike force. They expect Mark McCloud and Mark Johnson to win the game for them. Of course these two great players can change a game, but what happens when they ping a perfectly weighted 40 yard pass to James Offord? Will he score? Will he even control it? The facts are obvious, if Derwent mark certain players out the game, if Ed Lacaille is awake and if DJames’ head is off spinning ‘the decks’ for just 60-minutes, this game could really go any way…like Adam Clarke’s sexuality. LOL (Laugh out loud).
>>Score prediction: 1-1 (penalties 4-5)
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Anton, you are a pathetic bitch and you know it sunshine!
im not allowed to swear am I
ohh my word is anton gonna look pathetic if something special happens later today!
As Dan Hyde is well aware, it is VERY rare that anyone actually comments on Nouse under their own name, but in this case many (including myself) will feel that they have too. I was shocked at the high standard of this article, it even made me ‘chuckle’ a little bit. Before this, the most amusing thing about Dreamz was his tiny medal collection; however, this article proves that there is hope for him after all.
Well done Dreamz.
x
Bollocks.
In Anton’s own words, “So I’m a cock, with a little cock?”
Yes, Dreemz, you are. Go Udy Bramble!
This is brilliant!
LOLOLOLOL.
Pretty good prediction of the vanbrugh goodricke match………..
He already looks pathetic!! He is the biggest prat on campus….god knows what they are on about with this BNOC business!
Personally, I liked the way this article was completely impartial.
fade into the background? we’ll see….
The comment at 4.33pm definitely was not me – Nouse are regulating these forums as well as the FSA did with the banks! Though to be fair, whoever posted in my name must have been reading my mind……
Guys, for me there is no absolute way of knowing if someone has posted under a false name. I offer apologies but I AM RELYING ON YOU ALL TO BE RESPONSIBLE.
Basically it’s not good form to post under the name of someone else atr this uni. Nobody likes it, you’re not big, you’re not cool, and you piss a lot of people off. But still there are people that insist on doing it.
I have no issues with people posting as Fabrizio Ravanelli etc. but, please, don’t use people’s names that are at this university.
Many thanks,
Dan Hyde
cheers Hydey mate. Appreciate you allowing me to keep posting!
all the best,
Fab Rav
On behalf of our pathetic team mates, we, the Vanbrugh back 4, would like to thank Anton for his continued support. In dedication to our favourite opposition striker, we would like to offer you 100 t-shirts for your merhandise collection: Dreamz: ‘Why did I get owned by Sheldrick Last Night?’.
Only 100 avaliable so grab them while you can. We’ll be wearing them under our shirts next time we put in a pathetic yet succesful performance in, in the semi-finals I believe! Who would have thought it?!
All the best mate.
I see that a lot of you have commented under this piece of brilliance…lol…looks like I am having the last laugh. You all love it really, any more comments? Feel free…
p.s Remi…
In my last post when I said pathetic bitch, I meant to say Sheldricks pathetic bitch……but I suppose you will have the last laugh, because at the end of the day you produce really good music!! FACT
Dreamz: you offer us a ‘penny for your thoughts’ BUT
nobody offered anything for yours, so do us a favor and shut it
Sheldrick is a clown
The only worthy defender is BNOC Schultz
Chris Schultz will always be my BNOC.
The real ‘final’ will be Alcuin – Derwent. I cannot see Vanbrugh or James beating the victor of that tie, they simply don’t have the personnel.
Dan ‘Crank That’ Hyde at his most vociferous – don’t mess with the Hyde, those that do have often died (Dreamz should use that in his next ‘hit’ record).
I hate Anton more than I hate Rafa Benitez……..does that not say enough???
Haha!
So many comments! All of you that are trying to offend me…you are looking stupid…i’m the talk of toooowwwwn!
Talk of the townnnnn!!!
Dan Hyde…I think I need to write a part two to this!
Dreamz
As well as 100 t-shirts, ive heard on the grapevine that the JCRC are handing Dreamz Murphy 100 pens so he can keep writing the Vanbrugh lads off – always happy to prove you wrong mate!