That’s Not My Name.
Tom Killingbeck helps you negotiate the pitfalls and cliches in naming your band.
One of the first things any wannabe band does is to start thinking about a name. Almost all would-be musicians feel the need to christen their creations before they can assume the mantle of ‘bandship’. The music world, too, fickle and shallow as it is, seems obsessed by the band name, as it influences the image and style of the music – it can make or break a band. But what makes a band name – what does it need to do to impress us?
Throughout the ages, the simplest way to label a band has been to simply name it after its members. While this is effective in some circumstances – The Jimi Hendrix Experience, for example – it also backfires, hence the abortive Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich. ABBA had a better idea, to name themselves after the initials of their first names, but of course not all band’s initials flow so smoothly. Other bands use different methods: Led Zeppelin were told their project was going to go down like a ‘lead zeppelin’ – remove a letter and you’ve got an iconic band name. Def Leppard, who copied the rock ‘n’ roll bad spelling of the aforementioned, failed to achieve the same effect.
One of the most popular ways of solving name issues is to reference something cool or intellectual, to associate the band with an already hip influence. The Doors conjured up their drug-fuelled image with their reference to Huxley’s ‘The Doors of Perception’, while The Fall’s mysterious moniker links them with the individualist philosophy of Camus and his similarly-titled novel. Of course, some bands reference other bands to give their listeners a clue to their sound – Pretty Girls Make Graves are named after a Smiths song. However, this also backfires in some situations, particularly with Welsh post-hardcore merchants Funeral For A Friend, who unwisely named themselves after an Elton John song, thereby losing several scene points.
Some bands seem to want to rid their names of referential qualities completely, which works in some cases – particularly with the post-modern blank slate name of Dylan associates The Band. Pop-punk also-rans No Use For A Name just sound lazy in comparison. That said, the pretentious band name trap is a dangerous one. In today’s musical climes, with snooty scenester indie and heart-wrenching emo polluting the airwaves, there’s plenty of opportunity to spot idiotic band names. Does It Offend You, Yeah? have a name that screams ‘Our fans are twats’, while Joe Lean and the Jing Jang Jong sound like a band off Playdays.
Heavy metal has always been a bastion of stupidly named bands, but does have two of the best abbreviated band names – W.A.S.P. – standing for We Are Sexual Perverts, and KISS (Knights In Satan’s Service). Death metal is also a haven for amusing farming themed band names – you’ve got to love Cattle Decapitation, Pig Destroyer and Tractor Sex Fatality. The quintessential metal band name is probably Megadeth, but the best of all has to be a grindcore band from Japan called Bathtub Shitter.
So what’s the secret to choosing a worthy band name? Firstly, don’t misspell words to look cool (Puddle of Mudd – that extra ‘D’ doesn’t hide your crapness). Don’t go for a ‘humorous’ band name – if you don’t take yourself seriously, who will? If you want to reference your favourite ‘cool’ influence do it with subtlety, and be careful to not name your band with members’ initials. Perhaps the discussion around a band’s name is ultimately irrelevant. Just look at The Beatles – the biggest band in the history of the universe, and named with a rubbish pun.
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