I LOVE a good conspiracy theory. There is no doubt in my mind that UFOs visited Britain in the 1940s, the 1960s moon landings were a scam, and the British government is actually run by a group of Satanists on the Isle of Man. As for this Obama character, I think we all know that his fluffed swearing-in on inauguration day was a sign of his tyrannical plan to corrupt the world via a small constitutional loop hole.
Twenty years ago Bishop Richard Williamson, who has a conspiracy theory of his own, was excommunicated from the Catholic Church. According to Williamson “there was not one Jew killed by Nazi gas chambers”. In fact, he denies that such chambers even existed. Apparently the chimneys wouldn’t have been tall enough. The Bishop reckons that only 400,000 Jews ‘perished’ due to illness in concentration camps and that the figure of 6 million exterminations that these silly historians have come up with is rubbish.
Now 2009 is upon us the Catholic Church has thought it appropriate to lift the excommunication of Bishop Williamson (making him now, presumably, ‘communicated’) to kick the year off to a good start. There we were thinking that other faiths had the monopoly on lunacy. I thought that 7/7 and 9/11 had sealed the deal. Maybe the Catholics are jealous that their religion has failed to recruit as many maniacs as other faiths and have decided to step up their game. Or maybe there’s another option.
Here’s my conspiracy theory: Williamson is actually world renowned atheist Richard Dawkins in disguise. Think about it. They have the same first name, are roughly the same age, and certainly have the same Oxbridge accent. Obviously Dawkins has got bored of documentary making and campaigning on buses. He’s finally decided to take it to the next level: bringing down the Church from the inside. What better way of making them look bad than by posing as a maniac and becoming one of the clergy?
The question on everyone’s lips is “Has Dawkins gone too far?” We all know he is an athiest, but posing as a holocaust denier? There is only one sensible reaction to this news. Catholics of the world unite! Let’s campaign to get Dawkins re-excommunicated!