Like a German vegetarian, last year Wentworth’s sportsmen and women must have feared the worst before their sporting encounters. Defeated, derided and demoralised, Wentworth were condemned by Vision’s sports editor’s declaration that he would eat his hat if they did not finish bottom of the sports rankings. But now, thanks to the Herculean efforts of the new GSA, ‘Wenty’ presently lie (alledgedly) fifth in the overall rankings.
The old regime was torpid and corrupt, beset by nepotism and favours for friends. The head of the new GSA, the effervescent Samik Datta, tells me of the time at a social in Yates’s a girl was flirting with a former member of the GSA, culminating in a conjugal collision that evening. “Next thing you know, she walks into the hockey team. She was crap at hockey as well. She spent the first twenty minutes holding the stick at the wrong end.” On one occasion, they recruited a footballer for a netball game. “It was ridiculous. I mean, Nigel had mutton chops for God’s sake. None of the other teams said anything. Too much pride.”
It got worse. The nadir of Wentworth College sport was reached last year when, for the ultimate Frisbee tournament, they were forced to field a one-legged chicken named ‘Sir Clucksalot’. “Sir Clucksalot always had the desire, but had lost his manoeuvrability since he lost his leg” says one of the new GSA. “It’s a testament to his character that after all the stick he got, he went on to play in the dodgeball the following week” added a tearful Datta. Embarrassing calamities like this inspired a new generation of postgrads to salvage the contorted wreckage that was Wentworth sport. This year, Wentworth’s sports teams have nearly always been comprised of humans.
Just like Sir Clucksalot, Wentworth were often a push-over when it came to sport. But things have changed. Where before they would concede or field a chicken, now Wenty enthusiastically send their troops into battle, occasionally daringly expectant of triumph. They secured third in the dodgeball and Frisbee tournaments. The table tennis team is undefeated this term. The darts and squash teams are thriving. The netball team is fiercely competitive and devoid of male infiltration. Using flashy marketing campaigns and pro-active recruitment, the new GSA has fostered a massive increase in participation. The fortnightly and bimonthly newsletter, the Wentworth Horn trumpets the ever-multiplying glories of Wentworth sport.
On the back of a ‘fun not competitive’ ethos, participation and results have soared, rocketing Wentworth to a position unthinkable at the start of the year and matching some of their more illustrious rivals. Someone should be asking Vision’s sports editor ‘do you want fries with your trilby?