Alley Cats
Restaurant: Alley Cats
Address: 3 Coffee Yard
Average plate: £8-10
Rating: *
Ceramic cats gaze down at you from the fireplace as you sit in this cottage-kitchen style restaurant and muse at the novelty of this side street peculiarity. Buried down one of York’s many alley-ways, location has to be this venue’s most endearing charm, as food is most definitely not its forte. The glasses are chilled, the napkins come served in little paper bags with a feline stamp, and hearty portions are dished out, yet when it comes to taste you will be more than just a little disappointed.
The menu is varied including steaks, fish and burgers, salads and pastas, yet the combo platter to share betrays the culinary short-comings of this establishment, presenting a meal which has undoubtedly been served straight from Iceland’s frozen food bags.
Having frequently gazed from afar in envy at the diners of this day-café cum night-restaurant, when the food arrived I began to regret my decision to finally join them. The burger was cold and undercooked, cradled in the arms of a soggy bun, and the vegetable chilli inedible. Though the ‘no pushchair’ sign on the door kept us safe from screaming babies it did not protect us from the wailings of a middle-aged woman in the throes of divorce, lamenting her woes to her sympathetic friend on the table next to us. Normally, attracting a varied cliental from lovers to students, I’m afraid all may leave in equal distress upon dining.
Sitting within the dismal atmosphere, the cats began to take on a demonic look as I pushed the greasy curly fries of the combo around the plate to bad music, until the waitress finally got the message. With a sour grimace she took away our ample leftovers, but the relief of parting from such atrocious food certainly made up for the lack of a smile. Needless to say, we weren’t offered a doggy bag.
When it came to the bill we found that it wasn’t pocket-friendly but our reluctance to leave a tip brought down the price by a few pounds. Although £8 for a main course may not sound dear, I felt insulted at the mere idea of paying.
As we got up to leave the ‘chef’ scurried past us to indulge in an outdoor cigarette, his unhygienic appearance didn’t agree with our eyes, or our stomachs as we found out a few days later.
Despite its lack of good cuisine Alleycat’s one redeeming feature remains its situation, and perhaps one should not bypass the opportunity to have a drink in the courtyard of this three storey, 16th century building. Frequented by groups of tourists led by eccentrically dressed Victorian-style gentlemen on hourly ghost walks, one can appreciate the ambience of this eerie snickleway. It seems that it’s not just the food that’s haunting. Facing the magnificent Barley Hall, the medieval townhouse, one can raise a glass to the past from the well stocked bar and grow merry to candlelight. Remember to order liquids only. Recommended for cat-loving spinsters and those with no taste.
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UHMM, I believe that the comment about the food, is unlikely to be true!!!
And I quote “presenting a meal which has undoubtedly been served straight from Iceland’s frozen food bags.”
May I enquire as to why this has to be the food of ICELAND FOODS LTD. I am a regular shopper and have had their food as much as any other place. To be honest the food is no worse that TESCO’s finest. The good thing about Iceland’s food is that if you follow the instructions then YOU GET A GOOD MEAL!!!
Also things such as chicken breast in portions is good for making kormas and curries. And it does not have to be defrosted.
So next time you critise food, try the food of the place you critise or you will become very unpopular:(
I have been to Iceland and it’s dire. The lack of fresh food upsets me.
Pipe down Kerry Katona! Iceland is a complete dive. I hope you’re not my mum.
Your argument would be more persuasive if you could spell criticise
“If you follow the instructions then YOU GET A GOOD MEAL!!!”
Does this equate to:
1) Remove the microwave chips from the packaging.
2) Place inside the microwave and put on full power for two minutes.
3) After the ‘ding’ leave to stand then enjoy.
Iceland is indeed the God of culinary enjoyment.
Good Meals:
I think you’ll find that Iceland also have a wide selection of Bernard Matthews products that you have to oven cook, not microwave.
Egg on your face.