Homemade Beef Burger


500g lean beef mince
1 onion
Worcester sauce

Our Highland Cowboy explains why you should never buy a burger again…

Ah, spring. The days get longer, the skirts get shorter, and a young man’s thoughts can easily become focused on one thing: barbecues. Yes, we are rapidly approaching that glorious time of year when standing in the garden in shorts, drinking and grilling meat are once again acceptable activities.

I do not mean to sound like a pompous celebrity chef on some sort of anti-junk crusade, born of a middle-class moral superrrriority complex but it is criminal how bad packaged supermarket burgers are, compared to ones you can make from scratch in ten minutes. You would think that a ball of mince would be hard to do badly, but somehow they manage it.

A warning to all. This recipe involves extensive and intimate contact with raw meat. If that’s not for you then maybe you’d prefer to continue to consume burgers that taste a kin to warmed up cardboard. But if you are not afraid of getting up close and personal with your food, I urge you to please read on.

Basic burgers, in case you hadn’t caught on, are just that – basic. To prepare, dice up a small onion and knead it into the mince. The reason that I specify lean mince is that you will end up with fat caked all over your hands otherwise, and that’s just not nice is it?

Once the onion bits are spread evenly through the beef, sprinkle it liberally with salt and pepper and knead it up again. Drench in Worcester sauce, knead a final time, and you’re done. Separate the mixture in to patties (this amount will make 3 or 4 good sized burgers) and put them in a hot frying pan for around five minutes on each side to cook through completely.

Some trade secrets to improve your burgers: the trick to getting cheese to melt on top of your patties is to put it on while they are still in the pan, then cover them with a lid, and McDonald’s “secret” and oh-so-delicious burger sauce is in fact ketchup and mayonnaise. Serve on slices of bread (because you know that you’ll have forgot to buy baps), marvel at how quickly they are consumed, and resolve never to buy a pre-made burger again.

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