Coffee Culture

Café: Coffee Culture
Address: Goodramgate
Average Price for Coffee and delicious pastry based item: £5

I can’t vouch for the coffee at Coffee Culture: I ordered tea. But if it’s culture you want, look no further. Culture simply abounds at Coffee Culture. Not ‘kulchur’ of the vegetable sort, that slowly burgeons and mutates over thousands of years, the unconscious, sensible expression of human activity. But an artificial, sanitised alternative to culture – the sort which can just be ‘applied’ as ornament to the central piazzas of otherwise-culturally-dormant northern cities, in readiness for the two-thousand-and-umpth Most Cultured European City awards.

This was the sort of culture going on at Coffee Culture. I sat two floors up in a small, low-beamed Tudor loft with a number of very cultured wooden tables. There was a single lonely window overlooking the street. Bronte fans might speculate that if the Rochesters had moved to town, this would have been ‘that room’: perfect for the secretion of embarrassing, unwanted lunatic relatives.

Before long the proprietor arrived. He served my tea in a profoundly cultural grey earthenware teapot with the milk separate, which is ideal. He was evidently a man of culture: youngish, competent and cosmopolitan, wearing a sculpted baldness and some Islington facial hair.

There was also cultural media to contend with. The piped music was an extremely mixed bag. Much of what was played was very irritating: 80s rap, geeky noise and obscure indie rock songs that go on and on and have no point (you know that semi-articulate, socially-atrophic friend of yours who claims to be ‘into bands’ – those songs!). That said, I was pleased to hear Arthur Lee and Love, Johnny Cash and even Nico, minus The Velvet Underground.

Coffee Culture also serves food. At a glance of the menu this looked OK and not intolerably-priced, but I opted instead for a battered haddock and chips from just up the road. Proper kulchur.

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