Who’s laughing
Boris Johnson is much better known for buffoonery than politics. Peter Campbell asks if the ‘clown’ could make a serious run for mayor.
“I love buses,” says Boris Johnson proudly. The audience erupts in laughter as the Mayor of London’s Conservative candidate’s round face beams happily from the stage. The laughter dies down and there is a pause. For one brief and awful moment it seems like his knowledge of public transport policy isn’t going to extend beyond those three words. Thankfully it does. Johnson goes on to speak fluently and convincingly about the state of Metronet, Transport for London’s road policy, and the RMT. It seems Johnson’s trademark buffoonery and jowly animation might mask an in-depth policy knowledge and careful political considerations.
The chaotic image portrayed of him in the media is an accurate depiction of what I saw in person. His wild hair and look of an overwhelmed child at a party are clearly visible as he walks though the parted crowd to the small raised platform to address the assembled Croydon and Sutton Conservatives, and he does not disappoint. Certainly, he looks much the same as before his campaign. But as soon as he starts to speak, there is a noticeable difference. The stuttering and lovable foolishness have been toned down significantly, and such is the conviction with which he speaks that I find it impossible not to warm to the ‘bumbling blonde’ standing in front of me.
The last few months have been interesting for Boris Johnson. He was officially named the Conservative candidate for Mayor of London on September 27 last year, although he has been campaigning for the position since July. The elections that take place on May 1 of this year will pitch Johnson against his new arch-rival, the popular Labour incumbent Ken Livingston.
Perhaps slightly uncomfortably, Johnson seems to have made much of the personal differences between the two, focusing on direct personal attacks rather than genuine policy debate. “Ken is rather like Colonel Kurtz at the end of Apocalypse Now, in that he is holding his head in his hands and waiting for his termination with extreme prejudice, which is what I am about to supply. In that, I am the personification of Captain Willard,” he jokes.
Johnson’s version of Livingston is a cartoon villain; and he dwells on his personal characteristics for a long time. One of his colourful descriptions of the Mayor is as a “ghastly dehumanised moron” for his decision to abandon the Routemaster buses, a point that appears to have struck a deep chord with the 43-year-old MP. He is obviously not alone in this sentiment, as noises of sympathy and agreement emanate from the crowd he addresses.
His promises overflow with exuberance: “New Routemaster buses, fully disability compliant, and with a wonderful open access at the rear.” The innuendo receives the reaction that it was clearly intended to. Boris attempts to make himself heard over the laughter, clearly struggling to compose himself. He scolds his audience, whilst keeping his trademark fuddiness: “Open access to the road! I’m shocked at the way your minds work,” he chortles in mock-seriousness.
Boris, who cycles to work every day, has launched an all-out attack on London’s bendy-buses. “I do not think that the 337 60-foot bendy buses are an ornament to the streets of London; far from it. They are certainly a hazard to cyclists.” One can only guess as to what he would make of the FTR. He goes on to demonstrate that he is tough on congestion, and tough on the causes of congestion. “Buses are currently 200 an hour going down Oxford Street, jammed nose-to-tail like an elephants graveyard. We must open up these pinch points that have been sadistically imposed upon us.” But buses are not his only area of interest. Boris proves himself able to list the differences between the London Underground and the Moscow subway system. He blames the Union of Rail, Maritime and Transport Workers, saying “The thumbs of the RMT are around the windpipe of the London tube system. It’s not being upgraded at anything like the speed which we were promised.”
Listening to him, it becomes easier to forget that this is the same guy who hosted ‘Have I Got News For You’ four times and famously rugby tackled the German Maurizio Gaudino during a celebrity charity football match in 2006. Such a shift in public perception is surely crucial if Boris wants his campaign to be taken seriously. At one point, to bolster his claim to his ‘right’ to the London Mayoralty, Boris discloses that the Mayor of London was “a Conservative invention” and describes himself as “the champion who can speak up for the interests of London on the vital issues of security, housing, and transport. The current Mayor does not fulfil these objectives.”
“Comrade Livingston” is not the only victim of Boris’ wit; when answering a question about whether he would fire Sir Ian Blair, he responds: “Unfortunately that is not within my powers at present, but we will see what happens…” he pauses for comic effect, “…on May 2.” The response, predictably, is another burst of laughter and applause from the floor of selectively invited guests. Carried by the wave of support from his audience, Boris goes on to outline his policies regarding housing shortages, safety on buses, and how to deal with gang crime, all delivered with a sincerity that belies his boyish grinning exterior.
Clearly his clownishness is played up for the screen, but the key question remains: can Boris break the image enough to appear electable? Haircuts and policy suggestions can only do so much; he has to appear to have changed sufficiently to appeal to more than the Tory core. Although he comes across well, and is certainly far more impressive in the flesh as a credible candidate, I fear that the ‘lovable comical idiot’ may be too deeply ingrained in most people’s minds to render Johnson’s mayoralty a serious proposal. Even here, amongst his staunch supporters, their jovial reaction is in some ways concerning. They - and the public - laugh at his jokes, but how many are actually listen to his policies? How many will be able to forget the image of the clown and embrace the politician behind remains to be seen.
