Vanbrugh Paradise Corner

This week: student nemesis, A. Dalek, talks exclusively to Nouse

So, yes. I want to set the record straight. I’ve no particular beef with students. It’s not easy being made entirely of metal. My prongs are spindly and brittle, and not at all adapted to the everyday domestic challenges of living in a quiet cul-de-sac in Acomb. Sometimes I get frustrated; all I really want to do is have a meaningful conversation with someone.

I tried talking to a student yesterday, as it happens. She went past while I was putting out the recycling, so I waved at her, and tried to engage her in some light conversation about Kafka. Somehow she interpreted my hail-well-met-wench as a vicious threat of ultimate physical harm. Maybe this isn’t the place for me. I’d like to travel. Or maybe write a screenplay – I have some really amazing ideas, but nobody wants to take me seriously. I’m trying to get out more, I’ve joined CAMRA, but I don’t have a trachea, and they ask questions about what exactly I’m doing there if I can’t ingest liquids. Mostly I just can’t see the point in it all any more – I’m all spare parts. Maybe I’ll go and write for Vision.

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