Bringing sexy back to York

I think I’ve discovered the secret of sexy dressing; it was revealed at Friday’s Battle of the Bands heat. What you have to do, if you want to show some skin, is make the whole thing seem incidental – accidental even. So, instead of undoing your top four shirt buttons to show off your lovely chest, just get a shirt that doesn’t have the buttons in the first place.

Even better, have someone give you such a shirt as a present. That way you can be all coy, like, “I got this shirt for my birthday and it’s just such nice material and I don’t want to offend my friends by not wearing it. It’s a shame it doesn’t have any buttons up at the top here, but if you can cope with my chest then I suppose I can too.” Skin without the sin – SEX!

Another thing you can do to this end is wear Lycra and just pretend you’re going to a fancy dress party later. You can tell people that you see dressing up as, say, a big old rock star as a strict ideological commitment. Misrepresentation can be a dangerous thing, and if Axel Rose wore Lycra then, dammit, so must I! If Lycra is not so much a choice as an obligation, people won’t think you’re being cocky, just dutiful. The sexy bit is merely a happy coincidence that didn’t even cross your mind when you were gazing into the looking glass – only to spot anachronisms, of course.

It works because people don’t feel like they’re being drawn in. No one likes sexiness when it’s being forced upon them. They like to feel they’ve independently spotted a beautiful quality that comes from within, not as if they’ve had pheromones sprayed in their faces. So no more excuses please, University of York, let’s bring sexy back.

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