The world’s gone mad
Stories you might have missed.
How is it possible to observe a traffic light controlled by an albino badger? That’s the question that the motorists of Llandrindod Wells are asking themselves after said animal caused a three-mile traffic jam on the A483. Out of hibernation, and considerably disorientated, the woodland creature climbed into a temporary traffic light and chewed through several wires, shorting the circuit, switching the signals off and bleaching its own fur white as a result of the shock. It took Powys police hours to get the cars moving again. “They’re a bit confused when they’re mating,” said a representative of a local wildlife trust (badgers – not the police). “Climate change is to blame!” blared the local newspaper, helpfully.
Cardiff ‘teen idol’ group Back to Back have notched up another flopped single release. Since 2001, the trio, whose releases include You’re Nice (Like Muller Rice) and My Love Jumped Off The Severn Bridge (And She Still Owes Me The £1.50 Toll), have issued over seventy singles, all of which have failed to chart. Their manager, Dave ‘The Bread’ Baker, has lost an estimated £10,000 through the disastrous career of his young charges. Against overwhelming odds, he maintains that they will eventually succeed. “Their music is much better than it sounds,” he said.
A clinic in Rawalpindi is treating a gentleman named Vinod Sidhu for pantophobia – fear of everything. An astrophysicist by training, Mr Sidhu has developed a long list of irrational fears: his wife and children must not eat from plates because, he says, they are the same size as black hole vortexes and may block the space-time continuum. He will not talk to strangers in case they turn out to be himself visiting from the future. He even suspects that sugar is stellar dust gathered from the Van Allen belts by NASA. Asked by a caring nurse if he might take up a less worrying habit, such as jogging, Mr Sidhu replied: “Go jogging? What, and get hit by a meteorite?”
The Sacramento Association of Dudging (SAD) held its annual conference last week. This is a curious American organisation, whose members’ sole purpose is to infuriate other people by not finishing sentences – such is the art of ‘dudging’. The SAD members hold regional competitions for the best dudge, being the most infuriating unfinished sentence. The association hopes that dudging will soon make its way into our own fair country, where the equivalent skill is known as
Who says computer games don’t encourage physical exercise? Software junkie Juan Esteves of Auckland had to be pinned down by security staff at a computer fair, after a lengthy brawl with a personal computer. After causing some NZ$5,000 worth of damage, Mr Esteves raged: “This bastard computer beat me at chess, but I show he who is better with kick boxing.”
