KFC, 47 Blossom St.

by Lucy Peden | January 23rd, 2007

Rating:

ave. food price: £3-4
ave. drink price: £1.50

I was filled with anticipation, excitement and anxiety. Where could my lover be taking me? There I was, stood in that most romantic of spots, between the motorbike repair shop and the tattoo parlour, counting the seconds until we would be together, when he appeared, emerging from a cloud of traffic fumes, tall and hairy, like a gorilla in the mist. He took my arm and ushered me into an intimate bistro. The red sign above the door seemed to glow with amorous promise, and the heavy scent of grease and meat by-products stirred my passions further.

Manfully, he positioned me at a table by the window. How many other couples had stared into each others eyes over that slab of stained Formica? He asked me what my heart desired the most, and I told him that of all the tokens of affection he could offer me, only a Zinger Burger would make me his. Tenderly he murmured “what about a Zinger Tower Meal?” It was a proposition that I was to find irresistible. As I gazed out of the window, watching boys in tracksuits urinate against the Odeon building I pondered what the night had in store for me.

When he returned with my Zinger and a Salsa Toasted Twister Meal I was a little shocked his tastes could be so deviant, but something about the authoritative way he chewed made me realise that he was a man who always got what he wanted. I watched him, leaves of flaccid iceberg and sodden peppers trying to escape from his jaw, but being reined in by his powerful masculine energy, rivers of grease falling from his mouth to his broad chin. It was undeniably erotic, so much that I was distracted from my Zinger, the chicken tasteless, the fiery sauce bland against the fire of my passion, the fries limp in my fingers in comparison with the thought of his firm, throbbing manhood. My ardour burned as brightly as the neon striplights, and soon I was begging him to lead me to the gentlemen’s lavatories and take me roughly against the urinal.