Regaining my reputation the Smash Hits way

Searching for strategies to raise my stakes in the popularity game after my smugly-headlined column in last month’s edition, I turned to the people who play it professionally – pop stars. All Saints, having just re-launched their pop career are now popping up all over the press trying to revive their former status. This weekend, one of the Appleton sisters (the pair who don’t sing that much) was interviewed in the Guardian Weekend magazine. It was that page long Q&A thing they always have, which is purely an exercise in shameless self-promotion, precisely what I’m after!

Not having the clout to get an actual journalist, even a student one, to ask me incisive and overly personal questions, I’m just going to answer the ones Rosanna Greenstreet asked Nicole Appleton. Here goes:

What is your most treasured possession?
My face.

Would you rather be clever and ugly, or thick and attractive?
Thick and super hot!

What is the worst thing anyone’s ever said to you?

No way are you too damn popular.

What do you owe your parents?

I owe my dad a birthday present.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
I’d invite Michael Jackson and Jarvis Cocker and try and make them fight.

What song would you like played at your funeral?
‘I have a Ghost, Now What?’ By Jaga Jazzist – good one right?

How would you like to be remembered?

As popular.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

Never trust an aspiring journalist.

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