Which Sweeties?
Gosh, isn’t it a long time since you skipped off to the sweetie shop in the first flush of youth, with a feverish glint in your eye! Some readers may have fond memories of a generic Woolworth’s pic ‘n’ mix counter feeding their childhood sugar-based fantasies, others may have had their confectionary dispensed by a kindly old tweed-clad gentleman who wore special gloves and had a slightly creepy smile…Anyway, we thought it was time to remind you just how fabulous sweeties are. All the sweets are available from Debbie’s in Stonegate.
Yorkshire Mix, 65p per 100g
A huge and oddly shaped array of citrussy things, pear flavoured things and minty things. The sweets are shaped in such an unusual way that it is impossible to eat one without drenching your companions in saliva, but they do give you magical powers, enabling you to talk like a Yorkshireman.
Strawberry Bon Bon, 65p per 100g
To test the bon bons, we embarked upon an explicit discussion of the personal life of a mutual acquaintance. Although we were desperate for sordid details, the bon bons were so chewy and sticky that they silenced us, halting the conversation. If someone starts asking you awkward questions, give them a bon bon- they are one hundred per cent effective, and very tasty too.
Old Fashioned Boilings, 65p per 100g
These are every bit as repulsive and disgusting as they sound. Comments included “like gone- off menthol”, “tastes like bile” and “the aftertaste is like the fluff that gets under the sofa.” We feared for the old people who make up the product’s target demographic, as we decided that it would take out their false teeth. The black currant one was a high point as it tasted like a vintage Thornton’s car sweet, but everything else was a little hard to swallow.
Sherbet Lemon, 65p per 100g
The most impressive thing about these was the colour, as they resemble lego car headlights. They are great to suck as extra lemony boiled sweets, but the real fun begins when the sherbert explodes all over the roof of your mouth which in our case had already been lacerated by excessive sweetie consumption. If confectionary listened to music, sherbert lemons would be into Happy Hardcore.
Reviewers: Vicky Hallam and Lucy Peden
