The Last Word
Andreas Masoura reflects on the week’s events
Club D
Saturday evening saw the unveiling of the Students’ Union’s latest bit of business innovation, designed to increase bar revenue in order to ensure the bars remain open. This comes shortly after the bar closure fiasco at the end of last term that saw hundreds of rowdy Goodricke occupants storm McQs, demanding that it remain open. Given the shanty town living conditions that these people face on a daily basis (apparently several conference guests complained about the rats over the holidays) the bar had to remain open so they could continue drowning their sorrows. Club D on Saturday provided the platform for the introduction of the “Feeder Bar” system.
No, this is not a new society for people who like feeding each other. Rather, seven hours of arduous negotiations in the last exec. meeting resulted in a bright spark of genius with business potential that would make Alan Sugar bounce off the walls. From now on, campus events will be structured so that students are forced to go to another bar before the actual event itself since they will only be able to buy wristbands there. Apparently the reason behind this is to spread the custom to other bars too, not just the bar adjacent to the actual event.
Saturday’s feeder system resulted in a chaotic situation that saw many students dressed in beachwear stranded in Langwith bar like a bunch of marooned tourists, since there were not enough tickets to go around. Perhaps it’s time to go back to basics. Like the night before in Goodricke that saw people waiting for up to 40 minutes to get a drink. One student commented that the situation was an absolute disgrace, leaving his mouth as dry as the bottom of Ghandi’s flip flop. This would not have been the case if there were an adequate amount of bar staff. Employing more staff would ensure people remained happy whilst ensuring that maximum revenue would be gained. Amazingly, I came up with that despite not having a BA in Management. I’m so clever.
Pigeon Hysteria
It’s summer time again and the ducklings are everywhere. You’ve probably already stepped in their shit. The university finally has enough birds to rival Nottingham’s 7 to 1 ratio. The place is full of so many birds that a pigeon managed to fly into my politics exam the other day.
Rather than nail the winged rat with a bat of some sort, several invigilators followed it around and flapped at it for about 15 minutes whilst it cooed hysterically. Meanwhile I was trying to concentrate on my paper, but found it quite difficult since I couldn’t stop laughing. I think I should get some extra marks at least.
Nan’s war on C***
I have to congratulate Nan, our features editor, for managing to find herself the subject of an entire Evening Press article. This piece of journalism attempted to mock Nan for writing a feature about a word that somehow inspired the question, “…fancy someone’s Nan knowing so much filth.” Get it? Nan and nan as in granny/ old person. Oh dear. At least they tried. Given the fact that Grape Lane was formerly known as C*** Lane as it was the former York Red light district (If anyone knows where it’s gone to could they email in) I think Nan’s feature was quite relevant.
‘Degrees’
Those of you lucky enough to have had exams cancelled due to lecturers strikes will be interested to note that the University of Keele is offering to let students graduate with two thirds of a degree. So if York screws you over turn up and graduate there.
York St John
By the way, I bet you didn’t know Nouse gets delivered to York St. John. Turns out they can read after all.
