Blag your degree: No. 09, Environmental Science
Essentially, this is a degree about recycling and how it is the best thing since landfill sites became commonplace. If you want to blag this degree I suggest to take a leaf out of my book and create some environmental damage around the place where you live (this applies mainly to those of you who live off campus.)
Shortly before the end of last term, the accommodation office demanded that my two housemates and I immediately attend an urgent meeting regarding the environmental catastrophe that we had created on our road. Apparently we had turned the place into a caravan site. The reality of the matter was that the wind knocked our bin down and a crisp packet fell onto the pavement.
Subsequent complaints by our neighbour resulted in the university summoning us, lecturing us about the environment (they managed to so despite union strikes) and warning us not to upset the locals.
Additionally, we were subject to numerous visits from the council’s “Waste Disposal Consultant”. This glorified bin man with a suit proceeded to teach us environmental things like put our rubbish in the bin, and recycle plastic bottles. We learnt a lot and felt that we could pass any environmental exam based on this new found knowledge.
I also recommend you attend an environmental society meeting. I did. I picked up various environmental ideas from people’s contributions to the discussion. The best one by far suggested that rather than take the train to a conference trip to London they all walk, as it would be better for the environment. He was serious. So serious that when I suggested this might not be a good idea, I was met with the deathly glare of an eco warrior.
So, apart from recycling, what does an Environmental Science degree involve? I’m not too sure, but I suspect that the textbooks are printed on recycled paper.
Here’s a tip for the budding environmental scientist: don’t say ‘the dog ate my homework’ when you can earn brownie points by describing the event in terms of habitat and dietary requirements. For the non-environmental scientists among us, remember above all else not to make the mistake of calling an environmental scientist an ecologist: they are not the same thing; they’re totally different, honest.
However, environmental scientists have the upper hand, since they can justify cheating on their partner as the fulfilment of their role as an organism as dictated by evolutionary theory.
Andreas Masoura
