Blag your degree: Number 06, Writing and Performance

Yes, this is actually a degree. Apparently York was an academic institution, according to the prospectus anyway, but clearly I was wrong.

You can get away with it at school with a Theatre Studies A-Level, but surely no one would be so audacious as to pass this one off as something worth attaching a BA to the end of. I watch Neighbours everyday. I want a Writing and Performance degree

Yes, this is actually a degree. Apparently York was an academic institution, according to the prospectus anyway, but clearly I was wrong.

You can get away with it at school with a Theatre Studies A-Level, but surely no one would be so audacious as to pass this one off as something worth attaching a BA to the end of. I watch Neighbours everyday. I want a Writing and Performance degree.

Well, I won’t be able to get one for much longer. With the arduous and ongoing development of Heslington East comes the need for sacrifice. Indeed the slaughtered lamb will be Writing and Performance.

Actually it’s going to be postponed for a while until Heslington East is developed enough to provide lavish enough facilities for all the luvvies and spice boys to adequately learn how to watch television properly whilst taking notes. Additionally they will be able to learn how to simultaneously prance about on stage in tight costume whilst being aware of the cultural restraints of society such as censorship and political correctness.

I would rather see Writing and Performance funds used more efficiently. Just install Sky TV in every campus room and dish out a few cinema and theatre tickets. It would be more cost-efficient whilst ensuring the amount of performance exposure students are subjected to remains high. They would then surely then be more than capable of passing any Writing and Performance exam.

Now for the serious stuff. How can you ensure minimum effort will provide you with Writing and Performance expertise? It’s simple really. Just make sure you studied a Shakespeare play at GCSE level to give you some sort of perceived cultural background. As long as you’ve been in some sort of school play you’ll be fine.

Secondly watch television. There is no avoiding this since a significant proportion of this degree involves film and TV production (the performance part). Lastly, dress up and swan around the stage whilst reciting Sheridan’s School for Scandal or a Southpark script (pure genius).

This will certainly guarantee your acceptance into the Writing and Performance elite. So much so even, that you will feel nothing but obliged to highlight and straighten your hair before every lecture. And that’s just the boys.

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