“Spank me matron, I’ve been sexist”

It’s a rare thing for us third years to traverse the vast distances onto campus for an event, but that’s exactly what happened a couple of Fridays ago, when I attended ‘Rehab’ in Goodricke. Promised a night of girls dressed in nurses’ outfits and dancing in a dining hall, we were not disappointed.

However, this merry bop was apparently not as innocent as it first appeared to us. The event’s posters depicted a picture of a young lady purporting to be a nurse (I, for one, always doubted her medical credentials, but that’s another matter). Crucially, this was a nurse so slutty that for a while her very profession was a mystery (at first I assumed she was a slut full-time). It has been suggested that the evening was an affront to womankind and, so it is claimed, a vile slander against the noble profession of nursing.

Now, I’ve never understood the sex appeal of nurses. It is a peculiarity of English perversion that we consider maternal, vom-mopping, health professionals to be objects of excitement. Do we view cleaning ladies in a similar way? Dinner ladies? Perhaps I missed a meeting.

Is all this sexist or degrading to nurses though? I think not. Just as a naughty fireman night wouldn’t be. Such an evening would surely fail though, for ladies delight not in ogling nakedness, they prefer to be read poetry by moonlight, or, at a pinch, candle light (fluorescent bulbs are a no-no).

If there is a failing here, it is not of ents reps, but of human nature. Those dirty men with their lustful eyes and love of uniform. Sex sells and, given the amount of money campus events lose, we should probably be hiring strippers and installing crack in the vending machines.

Bring on the crack.

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