The election section

It’s that time again. Just as the collective occupational attention span of our Union officers dries up, it’s time for them to bugger off and do something useful with their lives for once. So, with planet Earth in the same position on its solar orbit as when Jimmy and his team were originally elected, it comes to pass that we have to go through it all over again with the next bunch of CV-fillers.

Cue the glossy, wipe-clean posters. The shameless prostitution of self-image and bandying about of glaringly familiar policies. The desperate flurry of the organisers trying to get students interested in SU politics.

Cue the enormous effort required to coverup the true purpose of election-fever, the gargantuan exercise in ego masturbation for the big men and women on campus that it inevitably is.

Of course, I’d still encourage you all to use your vote. We might as well extol the virtues of democracy by living its fundamental dream, the fact that we, the people, have the power to elect our own leaders. None of whom we actually know a single thing about.

Take my word for it, vote for RON. He’s sexy.