The Student Counsel
Our Panel
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The Old Timer – A cornish man with many a pearl of wisdom |
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The Hippy – Perpetually happy but too stoned to comment |
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The Luvvie – Profundities and dramatic flouncing a speciality |
Your:Problem
Dear nouse,
I have recently moved into a new house with people I don’t know. It’s a fairly intense situation, and I can sense that perhaps there are going to be some problems. I have lived with other people before, and I enjoy interesting conversation but I can’t tolerate it if people have bad attitudes, in particular racist, sexist and homophobic people. Everyone in the house has fairly strong personalities and it seems as if the other housemates don’t like me. We argue constantly and they never see my point of view… then they moan that I am the one flying off the handle and causing trouble. I admit I am fairly strong willed, but I don’t see this as a bad thing. I am prepared to stand up for what I believe in. I can’t help feeling that I am on my own though and I am finding it hard to fit in. How can I make my time living with these people more pleasant, while getting my views and opinions across?Kitty, Brighton
Think about it
It seems to me that you feel that it is all about getting your point across and imposing your own way of thinking on other people. If they don’t believe exactly what you believe, or agree with what you are saying, you take it as a personal attack. People are not going to have the same points of view as you, and from the sounds of it, you are very definite about what you believe in! However, this does not mean you have to change your opinions and beliefs purely to appease people, just simply get used to accepting that other people have different opinions to you, and that these opinions are as valid and worthwhile as your own. Take a deep breath, and think about what you say and do before you say and do it. If you are less abrasive and defensive then people are more likely to warm to you, and be receptive to your views and ideas, rather than militantly defending their own ideas that seem to have come under attack because of you!
Think about it
There is a strong possibility that certain personalities will clash and it is inevitable that there are going to be people that you don’t get on with. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that the time you spend living together in the house has to be torture. Try to avoid getting into situations where you and the other individual are going to antagonise each other. Try not to wind him/her up and don’t rise to the bait when they attempt to wind you up. It is especially important to try and be civil when around your other housemates, as I’m pretty sure they will be able to sense the tension between the two of you, and this may make them uncomfortable. This is not only unfair to them, as innocent bystanders, but may lead to further tensions in the house if people begin to take sides… and before you know it you have a Lord of the Flies situation on your hands! Stop the violence before it begins, or you may regret it.
Seize the moment
It is not an unusual occurrence to find yourself in a position where you are surrounded by people you don’t know – it’s gonna happen in all stages of your life and in various situations, as I’m sure you’ve experienced before.
As a fresher, and perhaps even later on in your university career, you may find yourself living with people you have never met. These people are more often than not, very unlike yourself – from different social backgrounds, have different beliefs, morals etc. This is, however, only a problem if you let it become one…why not embrace the opportunity to meet new people and learn to socialise comfortably with people from all walks of life! You might find yourself changed for the better because of it.
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