The first consignment of international aid arrived in Goodricke College today, just three days after it was declared a humanitarian disaster by the UN.
Presented in an official ceremony, the aid, which includes food packages, medical care, and portable showers and toilets, will help the inhabitants of Goodricke treat the many diseases in the college, and most importantly, allow the poor students to wash, as until now there had only been a single shower to share between 400 people.
Present at the ceremony were St. Bob Geldof and That Guy From Coldplay. St. Bob declared “It’s a f**kin’ disgrace. I can’t f**kin’ believe that people are f**kin’ allowed to live like this in this f**kin’ day and f**kin’ age. W**kers.”
That Guy From Coldplay, shortly after arriving in his private jet, added; “Yeah, I think it’s horrible. This will help, but more needs to be done. In fact, I address this point in my new single, available now in all good record stores, priced £5.99.”
A concert will be held later this term to raise further funds. After tax, expenses and appearance fees, the remaining profits will go to Goodricke. Confirmed guests include the Vengaboys, Jemini, and Howard from Take That.