What you won’t see in 2004
However, there are other films that we may be thankful for missing. The world will not mourn the loss of many titles that could have been the pipeline.
For example, the cinema going public will relish a break from the psychobabble and inane meanderings of any more Matrix films. Furthermore, what would be the next tagline for a fourth film? ‘Everything that has a beginning has an end and everything that ends begins again’, perhaps?
Actually considered for production, was Indiana Jones 4. Yes, Harrison Ford is old enough to play Indy’s own dad, yet thought it was a good idea, just for a second, to break out the old whip again. You ancient, insane man. Put it away.
And no, Peter Jackson will not remake or extend the Lord of the Rings to introduce an obscure but apparently vital character for the benefit of those who care. The Hobbit is also not yet certainly going into production; though, like a rampaging orc army, it will not be long before the idea penetrates the pink fluff of a Hollywood producer’s brain and assaults our screens.
What else have we narrowly missed? It is unfortunate that Alien vs Predator is continuing the legacy of films like the Super Mario Brothers, having been inspired by comics and a popular computer games. Nevertheless, it could have been worse. It could have been Pong.
Could producers have ruined anything else- our childhood memories, maybe? Could Dangermouse have suffered from a reimagining and have the voice of David Jason replaced with Dustin Hoffman, or Eddie Murphy, or John Goodman? Could Penfold have had his catchphrase changed from ‘crumbs’ to something more palatable to an American audience, like ‘shee-it!’. Too horrible to conceive of. I’d better stop before anyone gets any ideas.
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