The A to Z of Fetish Fun

With final coursework over and the real world beckoning, Tim Crabtree and embarked on a mission into the weird and… well, just plain weird world of fetishes. Deciding on the most bizarre sexual turn-ons was harder than you might think. Judge for yourself from our A-Z of fetish fun…

Anything goes in the world of fetishes, while Bondage is usually the first that comes to mind, the film Crash highlighted a real-life interest in having sex at the scene of automobile carnage, but fetishes are not necessarily so Dark and Disturbed.

While most people appreciate the benefits of being naked for sex-related activities, many would rather involve some kind of Equipment. F is for Furverts, those individuals that get their kicks from dressing up and behaving like animals. If your preference is for dressing up entirely in rubber, then you are by definition a Gimp. Others are more Happy in a nappy, and like to spend their time acting like babies and being mothered (maybe Freud had a point?). But this particular fetish seems to permeate beyond sexual situations for many of its subscribers. On the website for the "Adult Baby Diaper Club", ‘Mike’ says that "It’s one of the decisions I make every morning – ‘Do I want to wear a diaper to work?’".

I is for inflatable fetishes, and according to the "Wacky World of Inflatable Fetishism" website, these "run the gamut from erotic fascinations with common latex balloons (sometimes popping, but not always), vinyl pool toys/rafts, inflatable (often rubber) clothing or other erotic fantasies less based in reality (for instance, women's breasts or bodies inflating)". Yes, some people fantasize about inflating their own and other people’s bodies.

Jam, and other food related fun can get a bit messy, but there’s more than just food to arouse the loins in the Kitchen. A surprisingly popular fetish involves being wrapped up in clingfilm, though we didn’t find any sites about being consequently stored in the fridge and forgotten until you’re later discovered by one of your housemates looking for the source of ‘that funny smell’.

Moving into the living room, if you like your chez longue, then www.furnitureporn.com is the site for you. This website offers "Hot All Chair Action", involving office furniture, armchairs and al fresco lounger fun. I have my suspicions that, like the Lego porn website we found, this may not have been designed with an entirely serious intent, though it did seem to stir something deep in Tom’s loins.

Medical fetishes seem to be more genuine. N is for the ‘Neck Brace Appreciation Klub’, where those people with a penchant for neck and back braces can browse brace galleries and talk with like-minded individuals. Some people are more interested in playing the Obstetrician, having a particular penchant for Pregnant ladies.

Moving downstairs, we uncover some slightly more disturbing Questions…

R is for ‘Rectal foreign bodies’ – among the things listed in a report for "Surgery Magazine" discovered where they shouldn’t have been were: a parsnip, a light bulb, and a frozen pig’s tail. There were even some ‘collections’ (more than one item in a single Anus), including a "piece of wood and a peanut", and the eclectic arrangement of "Spectacles, suitcase key, tobacco pouch, and magazine".

S is for ‘scat’: for our money the least pleasant fetish we happened upon. All we’ll say is this isn’t what your mum means when she calls you a toilet mouth. It makes you wonder where Scatman John really got his name. Toe and feet fetishes generate a vast number of websites, and there are a number of more specific fixations on ‘toe-jam’, ‘feet smoking’ – holding the cigarette between the toes, and Unfortunately, Verucas, as well as traditional practices of binding feet.

W is for water sports, and we don't mean windsurfing. This is the easier-to-clean-up partner to scat, though we’re not sure where the ‘sport’ angle comes into it.

For fans of the X-files, perhaps Exophilia will do the job. The most common variants on alien fantasies involved abduction and experimentation. However, if you’d rather be left to sleep, Yawning turns you on, or you’d like to watch people catching some Z’s, there are plenty of sleep-related fetish websites, which also cater for those who particularly enjoy carrying sleepers. Whatever the reasons for these outlandish fixations the internet certainly provides an ideal medium to find like-minded individuals, and express those desires that you probably wouldn’t convey in polite company. It also allows the virtual acting out in chatrooms and multi-user domains of such fantasies that aren’t humanly possible (such as being an ‘inflater’ or ‘inflatee’), or more significantly of altering your own identity. You can change any facet of yourself – age, sex, physical features. For fetish-fans, the internet is currently the prime place to be.

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