Freshers Told To Bring Sleeping Bag And Dog

University Admin are set to unveil an audacious attempt to solve next year’s accommodation headache by tapping into the recent trend in York to squat. The last month has seen the setting up of the Peace hotel in York designed to highlight the large number of abandoned buildings in the York area.

Now campus chiefs have seen a way out of their present malaise, brought about by their inability to count how many students are at the university and how many rooms there are. The plan is simple. Upon arriving at university on the first day of next term a few hundred of the University’s less prosperous students, unable to afford a room in one of the "traditional" colleges, will be faced with the challenge of finding a suitable squat. As a gesture of good will the University will equip all wannabe rent dodgers with bolt cutters, ladders and a collection of transfer tattoos in order to help them get along with their new neighbours. With so many empty buildings it will be a doddle finding somewhere to kip.

The prospect of students living in filthy drug dens with no running water or electricity has raised mild suspicion in the SU. However admin defended their plans – " To be honest this is only an extension of differentiated rents. If students can’t afford to live in Alcuin then fuck ‘em they shouldn’t be at university. Anyway these people will deserve it if they can’t afford a room with a en-suite bathroom."

Given the rising cost of education it is believed that admin may solve future housing problems by allowing the development of a shanty town on the banks below the library and a caravan site on Vanburgh paradise. The hope is that York’s new accommodation plans will guarantee the right of everyone to receive a university education. However for students of less privilidged backgrounds the chances of developing pneumonia and a nasty Crack habit will be increased.

Leave a comment



Please note our disclaimer relating to comments submitted. Please do not post pretending to be another person. Nouse is not responsible for user-submitted content.