SARS Scares
A new craze is sweeping the Kareoke-mad Japanese, as they combine impersonating their SARS-ridden Chinese cousins while performing live on national television. ‘SARS in Their Eyes’, presented by non-kiddy-fiddling man-bungle Matthew Kelly, consists of six Japanese hopefuls all trying to sing while impersonating a SARS victim. Last weeks winner, impersonating a Hong-Kong dock worker, says ‘Obviously the standard of singing is very low, as sufferers can’t really breathe… but Matthew Kelly’s in it!’. There are already plans for Celebrity SARS in Their Eyes, with a masked Michael Jackson reputedly lined up to present it – ‘SARS is bad’ said Michael ‘so i’d do anything i can to help. Besides, Matthew is a close friend of mine, we met over the internet. When he asked me i just couldn’t refuse’.
Coughing Millionaire cheat Tecwen Whittock was given a full reprieve last night, after he died of SARS. Apparently he had been ill for months and his coughing on the show had been a symptom of the ilness. Saggy-faced Chris Tarrant last night issued a statement – ‘Obviously he didn’t cheat at all. Of course we will be paying compensation’. A source close to the family last night said ‘They are paying for the funeral service, BUT NOT THE COFFIN! HA HA HA!’
The SARS outbreak has proved to be the greatest boost to the economy since war. The Media, drug and mask making-companies are benefitting from an increaese in sales while taking advantage of the current low pay rates in the Far East. If current trends continue, SARS will be Britains biggest industry.
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